Dear Diary,

Well as you can probably tell from my last entry, I went to bed when the birds were still singing, and got up an hour ago.

This is not good. This is a self-destructive behavior. It puts me off for my whole day... not good, I say!

Weird dreams of course but now they have all faded away. And I feel like crap. Okay. Things must change. I need to get on the ball here. For one thing, my house looks like it has been RANSACKED. If someone came over that's what they would think. So I need to do something about that. I know I feel better when the place is clean... kind of uncluttered on the inside when the outside is organized!

I was talking to B last night and he asked me what I needed. He's been pretty supportive as he is not somebody who has been giving me advice lately. He just asks me what do I think would help me. I'm not sure but then I thought if I asked him to come over and just keep me company while I cleaned my house, that would help. He wouldn't have to do anything, it would just be a great assistance to have someone there to keep me company so I could get through it. Plus I would most likely clean a bit before he got here, because it's THAT embarrassing.

And I guess the journal will once again sit at my bedside and I will commit to writing. And I will bust out the meditation CDs and do at least one per day. And I will make another appointment with Kate. And I will try to find another hypnotherapist. And I will exercise and do yoga, dammit. And I will keep going to therapist and maybe even ask her what else can be done.

Am I excited? No. I am depressed. I am lost. But it has to get better, right? Please somebody tell me I am right.

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