Dear Diary,

Maybe diaries exist because people long to tell the truth. If you think about it there are so many games we play and masks we wear as we go about our day, from work to relationships. And an opportunity to come online, and post, somewhat anonymously, is very freeing. You also get the benefit of having people read you even after you have exposed your truth- things you might have trouble admitting to your wife or husband or best friend. Instead you spill it all to strangers, and they still like you and support you because they have no vested interest in what you do... it doesn't really affect their lives. Is that why, do you think? Why do we withhold our judgment from strangers, but apply it to the people closest to us? I find it interesting. Today.

I am moving so slowly, but that is not unusual after a weekend of training and traveling. I did manage to run to the store (practically in my pajamas with a sweatshirt on top and hair in a hair clip- no, not my proudest moment.. but I go to the "other side of the tracks" store when I am dressed like this, so, no worries. Although I do worry about stepping out some day and seeing M on my doorstep. He has never been one to show up unannounced, but of course in my reunion fantasy he would want to see me so badly that he would do such a thing...). I ate something and took a shower... I am still trying to deal with my new hair and the proper amount of product I need to apply to avoid looking crispy or greasy or ridiculous.

I have to work tonight, which will probably be good for me. I just have to keep doing things, apparently. I can't use the gym because GymMan is on vacation, but I suppose I can do workouts/yoga here at home. Although I have no discipline and never do those things on my own no matter how much I talk about them. Bleh.

So, as soon as I am done with this entry I will go call Kate. Perhaps working with her again will get me out of this massive funk. I guess everything is worth a shot.

Later,
Duck

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