i used to be more interesting [ 2008-06-27, 12:53 p.m. ]

Hi Diary,

Feeling kind of bad upon waking.... had a dream where M (of course) basically chose one of my friends over me to propagate a perfect race for the future... because of her skin tone she apparently would be perfect... of course I woke up feeling very hurt about not being chosen... all the usual stuff.

Also somewhere along the line I figured out that I consider having sex with someone a huge gift that I give them, sharing my body and my heart, and when they leave, I feel used and angry because they didn't stay with me. I think this is very much connected to sexual abuse.... another thing to work on... more layers, more garbage spit up from the river.

Huh. On a lighter note, what?? No idea. There doesn't seem to be many light notes in my life right now... but I want there to be one. Or two. I think I will do a bit more cleaning. That is always good. And maybe bust out the hand weights from under my bed. Since I am too fucking lazy to go to the gym... oh well oh well.

I have to work tonight but don't have any other appointments...

Blah. That is all boring stuff. I wish I could think of an interesting story to tell you, Diary. But I seem to be drawing a blank. I used to be more interesting, I swear! Before my heart got broken... I was funny and could say witty things. Really, I swear. Someday I will be back there again.

Maybe you should say a prayer for me...?
haha.

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