last minute [ 2008-07-26, 12:09 p.m. ]

Well, up at the crack of 11am. Last night after work I went out with Red and a friend I used to dance with, Marcia. We went to see a live band. It was all okay, but I have so much tension/pain in my neck and shoulders, I didn't even feel like dancing.

Home by about 2am and in bed by 4... I know I can do better, say, by, lying down right away, but I seem to be resistant to doing that.

I am definitely off the wagon as far as sugar.
Evelina gave me two boxes of cookies and I said I'd take them to my next class... instead I ate both boxes myself. Great- sugar AND wheat, two things I said I'd stop eating...

So I might have to do another fast, since that seems to be the one thing that can break the cycle for me. I am also aware that I must be pretty stressed. I've been working pretty hard on the whole personal growth thing, and this includes the nagging anxiety attacks I've had since I was about 25. I would sure like to find the root cause of said attacks and heal it and just be at peace with myself....

But! There's other things to do, apparently... I have to go to Irinia's wedding today. I'm not really sure if I fucked something up or not-- originally as I said I told Irinia I would give her money so she could get her flowers. But from that point on she didn't respond to my emails so I never knew where to send the check or how to help her. When I saw her a few weeks ago- literally before I was going away for over a week to two trainings and working in between- she casually mentioned that her friend was making up a spreadsheet, and everyone would get a job. I was like, huh?! I didn't want a job, I have my own job... I wanted to just give her the money because that was as much as I could help her. But that's how well Irinia listens and how well she plans... less than three weeks before her wedding and she barely knows what she's doing and plans on asking people to help her, LAST MINUTE.

Case in point: I just called Red, because of course also on the EVITE invitation, which is her wedding invitation because she never got her act together to send out real invitations, there are no directions to where the wedding is. I had to call Red to find out how to get there. He told me how, and also told me that he had called Irinia this morning and she asked him to come early, because, of course, she's giving him a job, like an MC or something. He said, "This is probably the last time I will hang out with her ever again!" For people with a life, who like a little warning about these types of things, it's just too much.

So, at this point, the day can't be over soon enough as far as I'm concerned. I'm already wishing I was lounging in my bed at the end of the day...

But now I've got to go. I'm going to have a salad for breakfast, in an attempt to start eating better. I can do that, right?

Love,
Duck

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