back from the wedding [ 2008-07-26, 10:44 p.m. ]

Back from the wedding. It took me forever to get there, and then... we waited. And waited and waited...

Now, I understand that all brides are late. It's a very important day and the bride wants it to be perfect. So yes, fifteen minutes, a half hour- no ceremony ever starts on time...

But Irinia's ceremony, in true form, started TWO HOURS after the time printed on the invitation. Wow. She really does not have any concept of organization, timing, or what those lacking abilities do in relation to her and other people...

Once it got going, it was okayish. First of all we got there and there were cards on the front table that said there would be a reception and after-party... this was never mentioned on the original invitation, so it was confusing to people. The ceremony itself, when it finally happened, was very sweet. Everything else was a little off... nothing to drink for the first hour in the sun, food dishes coming out at awkward times and then we were told we could not eat it until the rest of the food came... They had a couple of nice toasts, and then a couple of people who didn't understand that when one gives a toast it is about the bride or groom, not an opportunity to tell your own story. So some uncomfortable, awkward moments in there as well.

I ended up just putting five 20's in the card for them... there didn't seem to be anything expected of me while I was there, either, so that was a relief. Except the wedding was outside, and then rather than initiate clean-up BEFORE it got dark, they waited until it was dark before telling everyone we need to clean up NOW. Don and I were talking and literally had a guy come up to us and scolded us and told us we had to stop talking and help clean up. At that point I decided I had had enough of Irinia's crazy existence- I hope she is happy, I hope they make pretty babies- but 2 hours of waiting for the ceremony, waiting for the food, and then being chided about clean-up all because of poor planning, plus my aching feet in my strappy sandals, I was done, and I left. I could have felt bad about not cleaning but you know? You should have a set up and clean up crew, and start cleaning up before it's dark, not make it an emergency for all your guests at the end of the night.

I did meet a cool guy, Jake, at the wedding and we exchanged numbers. He is a musician and massage therapist, and we had a really good conversation. He seems like a spiritual type of guy, has an accent, but I didn't ask him where he was from. I didn't want to seem too enamored of him, as my new thing is to try not to "give so much away" when I am around guys. It seems I always give, give, give and then I OVERgive, there is nothing left for me and the man loses interest in me because it is too "easy" for him.

This was a particular danger with "Jake" because he is definitely my "type" that I always fall for, and end up contorting myself and being a total dork in front of, and then the type doesn't like me anyway because I am not actually being myself!

When Jake left, he didn't say goodbye to me, even though I was in close proximity, but I'm wondering if he was trying to be cool and make me long for him. Or maybe he already thinks I am a dork. I just hear Josie's words in my head (superbitch girl I used to work with and all guys were cRAzY about her-) "Don't.Call.Him." So, I'm not going to. If I made any impression at all, that is good. But I can't pursue a man just because he's pretty.

Finally I am home. Tomorrow I am seeing Paul. He is calling me in the morning, and I told him he can plan the day and I will just be surprised. With Paul I don't seem to have a problem refraining from overgiving. I am willing to step back and see what he can offer me, and he seems to like it. He is willing to take on that challenge, so I guess that's fine with me. I do look forward to it... although I still feel confused about my feelings for M. But the fact that I am meeting men now, and they are approaching me, seems to say that something has shifted for me, however small.

An interesting concept...

And if you read my entry from a couple days ago of why Paul's texting bothered me so much, I'll just fill you in on the continuing saga with that type of behavior...

Earlier this week I got a card from my mother, in which she wrote down all her feelings about the last time I visited- during the visit we had a little confusion. She read the dates on my ticket wrong and thought I was leaving on Tuesday, but I was actually leaving on Sunday. She got upset and started to cry, and I asked her what she needed, she just kept saying she was disappointed, but couldn't offer more than that. Well in the card she wrote that she misses my siblings and I since we all moved away, and a whole bunch of other stuff... but she can't say that stuff to my face. It's all fine, I actually wasn't upset by it- I just read it and thought, my poor mother, who can't express herself in person. I didn't know what to do about it... call her and talk about it or write back? But honestly I felt too exhausted. I just feel bad that my Mom lacks communication skills and that she is so lonely and unable to take care of herself in the most basic ways.

I called her tonight, and we just talked about random stuff, I never mentioned the card and neither did she. I realized that this is how she wants it-- she doesn't want any confrontation or face to face, she just wants to put it in a letter, convey the information to me and then we are "on the same page" and can just pick up where we left off. It's bizarre, but okay. I am too tired to be the communication hero here...

So that's that. But just to let you know, that is still going on in my family. Also, my mother gets upset and my father pulls us aside and explains how we upset her and what we should do to fix it. She does not take any responsibility for this type of thing, I guess unless it's in a note. So no wonder some of these little things just make my head spin around.

That is all for now. I'm really tired.

Love,
Duck

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