less obsessive, more relieved [ 2008-07-30, 1:21 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Back from Kate's... I definitely feel better after appointments with her, but it often feels temporary. I'm wondering if it's because it's not really working, or if I clear a bit and more comes up. I don't know... the colleague that referred me to her believes in her wholeheartedly, and swears by her. So I like to think that it is all helping.

I told her about my basic plan, and we are working a lot on me loving myself no matter what happens. That means regardless of how M responds to me (or doesn't).

Actually after our appointment I feel less obsessive, which I like. Yes, I am aware I am obsessive- and I have a habit of obsessing about every man that leaves me. This tells me that there is something WITHIN me, a very young child part that didn't get what she needed and lives from a place of desperation. I REALLY want to be done with that... and as much as I want M back, I also just would be happy to be free of him. Just like I feel like Frank, or Don- or even Alphie- I don't want any of them anymore. I'm fine with them being with other women, and not with me... so... that's how I want to feel about M.

I'm working tonight and looking forward to it. Things are looking up as far as the work situation for the next three weeks, so I am happy about that. I paid my rent for August, and already have enough to cover September, so I'm breathing a sigh of relief!

Sometimes I think I wouldn't be able to do everything I need to do... my own personal growth work plus a job, etc... so I feel like the Universe has given me a sudden flow of clients so I would be able to handle it all...

At any rate, life goes on... what am I going to do for my own happiness? I guess I'll go out with Paul again... maybe someone else will come along and ask me out as well... maybe it's getting close to the time when things will really shift for me! That would be great.

And yesterday I was thinking of my Diaryland friends who have been so supportive at this time, I know I drive myself crazy and that people can see me going around in my crazy circles; it's always easier when you're outside of it! But just wanted to let you know I appreciate you all for your notes and support- some of you for years! So thanks Rose, Cocoa, Spark, GirlKisses, Anthro and Star for your latest notes and love. I appreciate any prayers and good wishes you can send my way.

Ever-changin',
Duck

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