what happened? [ 2008-07-30, 12:48 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Hmm, what happened today? I can barely remember. Up and about, cleaned up quite a bit (it's a never-ending attempt to get my house clean)... went to therapy. My therapist has been gone for a month, and she wanted to know how I felt about being back, etc... it was fine, just more talking and crying. We talked about the need to delve more deeply into my own self-hatred and work with that. Hooray.

Went to work, that was fine, I was starving by the time I got home, and had so many phone calls to return. Steffy called and left a message with what she termed "a great proposal" which is I could come and stay at her apartment for a "little vacation" week while she goes away... and watch her dogs. I guess she considers this a treat for me, because her apartment is in a "better" area of town.

Only her dogs are annoying, one barks at everything and pukes all over, and the other one pees when he gets too excited. On the whole I am not really interested in that as I have enough to do especially the week before I leave for my trainings. It does not appeal to me to have to wrangle messy animals and all their bodily fluids for five days, and be away from all my stuff... to have to haul all my junk over to her place and let's hope I don't forget anything important or I'll have to go all the way home... well the whole thing is more of a hassle than anything else and although Steffy said she would compensate me "in some way" money was not really mentioned, so I don't know what she's thinking.

At any rate I left her a message and also wrote her an email that on the whole this was not a convenient plan for me due to my traveling and working schedule but if she was in a pinch maybe I could help her for the first couple of days. I think that is important that I am getting better at communicating my limits... rather than just complaining about them in my diary!

Also Paul had called late last night and left a message, I called him back tonight. He wanted to know what I was doing this week, and thought I might like to go to the lake on Saturday. But I told him I might not feel like it then... well he got the hint that I am getting my period. Lovely thing to have to talk about before the third date.

Yes I will probably go out with him again, even though I am hopelessly in love with my ex-boyfriend. What else is there to do? Sit at home and be miserable? I don't have to love him.... I don't have to be crazy about him... he is mildly attractive and wants to please me, at least I feel pretty around him. That has to count for something. I don't really ever feel a particular urge to hang out with him all day... but... maybe soon it will just be about fooling around. I mean, that's basically what Don was for. He was quite the transitional boyfriend.

I have an appointment with Kate in the morning, so I have to go to sleep!

Love,
Duck

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