that, or something better [ 2008-08-02, 7:32 p.m. ]

#2

Hi Diary,

After slathering my entire body with T!g3r B@lm and sleeping about 6 hours, it was all I could do to get to the library today, and return some items so I didn't get fined. That was my main goal and I was incredibly nauseous and sweating bullets the whole trip there. I felt alternately that I was going to pass out or puke on someone and that I must have had a temperature of 109 or so... jeez, I guess it's back to acupuncture and healthy eating asap.

Steffy called and invited me out to a play with her roommates, but I declined as I felt so f*%king sick. I convinced myself that if I could just get to the health food store and buy one of those Rice Dream nutty bars, the cool fake ice cream and sweetness combined would calm my flipping stomach and take down my fever. I managed to do that and did feel a bit better afterwards... came home nonetheless as I was getting every indication that it really is best that I lie down for 2 or 3 days at this time of the month.

I feel like I could poke Red's eyes out because whenever I feel like this he tells me I need exercise and to increase my blood flow and blah blah blah and ugh, come over here Red and let me stab you in the place where your uterus would be if you had one, and we can talk about it!

At any rate, okay, I am calming down. And I decided to call Paul today. Why, exactly, I'm not sure. I guess I give everything as much of a try as I can... I left a brief message, he called back and I missed his call as well. When I called back and finally did reach him, he informed me that he was indeed out of town, visiting his Mom lakeside... I am suspecting his family has a bit of money as he has mentioned his father is a doctor, his sister is a lawyer and his mother has two residences. I'm not sure if she works.

At any rate, he had been enjoying the day in the sun and we talked a bit about nothing, because it seems that that is exactly what we have in common. I didn't have much to report about myself (I left out the sickness part) other than going to the library and we talked about books we like to read. I told him all the books I was reading, two are about spiritual subjects that he doesn't believe in. He told me he reads mostly non-fiction books about economics. Hello? You can bet that got me hot.

My sister Delia is always telling me I'm a version of Dharma (well, actually, a lot of people tell me that) and I need to find my "Greg". Well this guy is probably what she had in mind but actually,
Greg at least really did have a spirit of adventure in him... go ahead and kick me but you already know what I'm going to say, and the chemistry I had with you-know-who and my new motto is, "I want that, or something better," but I'm really not interested in going backwards. And now Paul is starting to feel like backwards. So I guess I will just let it fizzle out, and find somebody new to play with.

I have lots to do in the meanwhile... working steadily for the next couple of weeks then I will be taking off and spending a few days with Petra and Michael, going to my training, and seeing Stacey again- as well as Nia and Lee, if possible. Stacey has to go to a wedding and has asked me to babysit for her little guy, who just turned three. However I am a bit worried as I have noticed that Stacey and her hubby put absolutely no limits on their son and as a result he is not learning delayed gratification- that he can't have everything right NOW just because he says so. If he feels he's not getting what he wants, he starts to have a tantrum and then Stacey and hubby quickly rearrange everything to give him what he wants... it's a little scary since I love this kid and this is what turns a kid into a 'brat'... I don't want him to have a hard time in school, where he will have to go and follow the program with the other kids... but his crying and whatnot, which always works at home, may just be misinterpreted as a bad attitude and then the teachers, and eventually the other kids will start to treat him differently.

I don't know how one would (gently) bring up, to a friend who wants to be a good parent but doesn't seem to see that she's actually not helping her son or preparing him for the world by satisfying every whim, the subject of employing loving limits- I am not talking about screaming, hitting or any of that stuff, but basically learning to say, "We can do that later, after you eat lunch and take a nap," or, "I'm sorry, I love you very much but you can't run around the restaurant and take things off other people's tables." These behaviors were cute at one or two, but now I am noticing that the general public is less amused by this child than annoyed by him, and his adorability can only get him so far. I feel like an auntie to this boy and I want him to have a great life, loving friends and the best experiences he can have... as well of a healthy sense of what's good for him and others in social situations.

You know, stuff like that.

Anyone have any experience/advice on this subject?

Love,
Duck

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