catchup [ 2008-08-17, 11:58 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

I know if I am so busy that I can't even update my diary, that is probably too busy!

Tuesday: Therapy... was pretty good. Therapist pointed out how when men leave, I go into a tailspin of self-hatred. Ugh. Yes, I do. Saw Kate too.. that was good. I think I am feeling a little better. And then work. Then spent another night at Steffy's. Even though I went to bed earlier, I still didn't get a decent night's sleep. The little dogs jumped up to sleep with me but every movement woke me up, and I don't think I ever achieved deep sleep.

Wednesday: Exhausted, somehow I got through my day... Paul came and met me at work... because I am crazy I invited him back to my place. But as usual, as soon as he gets close, I feel turned off. WTF? He wanted to stay over, I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I had already had two nights of not sleeping well. He whined and acted all sad about it. Against my better judgement, I let him stay. And seriously regretted it. I never got any deep sleep. He left at 7am, I went back to bed till 10, but I felt (and LOOKED) like shit all day... really I can't remember ever looking and feeling so tired. I went shopping and to lunch with Marva and Bethany. We had a blast. Then I went to get a wax. I have left my wax lady because she became too expensive, and I felt like I was cheating on her by going to this other lady. But I feel like the second woman might actually be better! Then I went to dance class and home to bed!

Friday & the weekend: Did laundry in the morning, then off to my training. Gail and Sandra picked me up. The weekend was good. This morning Gail and Craig were fighting AGAIN. I didn't know where to go before class started so I went out for a walk. Of course as I am walking back in I see Craig in the parking lot and he announces that he is quitting the training and it is the only way to get Gail to love him is to not be in class with her. This was at 11am but by 3pm of course Craig was calling everyone's phone including mine. This is what he does. He makes a big announcement about what a tough man he is, then he freaks out and calls all of Gail's friends. He asked me if Gail said anything negative about him after he left, and I said no. Which is not quite true, but what's the point? Then he said, did she seem upset? You know what, I said, I really don't want to be in the middle. He respected that. But seriously, being around them makes me want to run and hide, and I feel like I'm with my parents or something- I just want to get away from their arguing.

Most of Gail's friends think Craig is the problem but as usual I can see both sides; Gail can be incredibly abusive as much as Craig is irritating and provocative. But, hey, they probably just DON'T belong together. I doubt very much they will stay broken up though, since they are both very much into the drama. They act like it's the other person that is responsible for all their problems, but they both keep coming back to the relationship, so they must love having so much crisis in life!

Tomorrow I'm flying to go see Michael and Petra. It will be a vacation, of sorts!

Love,
Duck

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