now we're getting somewhere [ 2008-10-16, 2:22 p.m. ]

Hi Diary,

So, I went out to a social event and saw Elliot last night. I know he's no good for me. How do I know?

1. When we did hang out, he didn't ask me one personal thing about myself, or seem interested in that way.

2. He actually reminds me more of Alphie than M... and that's the big thing. Alphie is very selfish, and has a hard time thinking of other people. I believe I can see a bit of this in Elliot.

And despite all this, last night I was actually aware of the fact that he is becoming more and more attractive to me. Shit!

I know a lot of my friends would just want me to move on, and celebrate the fact that I found any other guy attractive. But I just know this guy is bad news. Sure he's young, attractive, blah blah blah... but, he's also arrogant, self-centered, just getting out of a 10 year relationship, and STILL living with that woman, trying to scrape up enough money to move out... even if he were wonderful and chivalrous, he'd probably still not be ready.

So it's not enough to be attracted to someone. They have to not only be attracted to me, but care about me. I have made the mistake of thinking I could be "casual" and be with someone who doesn't really care about me. The bottom line is I always end up caring, because that is my nature. And that is very inconvenient, to always be the one that cares.

Carla stopped by and even though I was feeling resistant to visiting, it turned out to be a good thing because it made me clean the house. Rather than waking up and going right on the computer and getting lost in cyberspace, it forced me to get up, sort all my laundry, clean the bathroom, wash the dishes, vacuum and straighten. That is a tall order, and in truth it always makes me feel a little better when my apartment is clean.

Okay. Elliot just called. Twice. First time, to tell me that he was giving my business info to someone, and to talk about his experience of seeing me last night. Literally. I started to write that he called to say it was nice seeing me, but when I thought about that, that's not what happened at all. He really did talk about himself. Hmm..!

The second call was to ask me if my phone received text messages. I said yes, but I preferred calls. Well. Now we are getting somewhere.

With someone I'm not supposed to go anywhere with.

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