It's a hard road when I really don't want to wake up... when I am not looking forward to my life in the least. When I feel overwhelmed by the simplest tasks.

Ugh!

I want to be "better", and different. I do not want to be freaking out about the fact that I really haven't made enough money this month to pay my rent- that I've had to borrow money from B to dance and even with that money, I am still scraping to make things happen... and that I am upset with myself for it all!

I've basically decided that I'm not doing anything for Halloween. The usual parties and activities do not appeal to me, plus the added expense of putting some kind of costume together. Can't do it.

Oh and I guess I haven't really mentioned that I am pissed at Red. Here's what happened: I was talking to him about a business idea that I had. He didn't seem that interested and actually tried to convince me to change it so it wouldn't require so much work. Then at the beginning of last week, I see that he's sent out an email- he's doing my idea, but with someone else. What the fuck!?! I have been so steamed, and so caught up with my own crap, that I haven't even spoken to him. He was out of town, and just got back and has called and texted me several times but I just can't answer. I feel too angry and I need to work out some of my anger or else if we talk too soon I may say and do things I might severely regret.

Later.

Duck

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