Dear Diary,

Not much has happened since yesterday, but I thought I'd update again! I'm still not feeling very well... would like to stay in bed all day. Last night I was feeling very sleepy but started getting some major cramps at about 1:30 in the morning. What a drag!

I've had quite a few work cancellations, trying not to be worried about it. Things should be okay for the month... but even there, I am feeling exhausted about worrying how to make ends meet every month. It's tiring, that's for sure! I have a little bit of money in the bank from last month. That helps.

I have to clean my house, and definitely do laundry. All my pants that still fit, need to be washed. I hate feeling like all this weight came back in a matter of weeks. I hate feeling the rolls on my stomach when I'm sitting. And I hate feeling too sick to even go out and get some exercise! That is indeed very bad...

I hate how lonely and stuck I feel sometimes when I wake up, like now. Not knowing what to do, but feeling kind of bad and looking to fill up this emptiness somehow on the internet... but it never works. Instead I obsess, wishing there was some kind of window where I could see into M's world. I feel like he's got an unfair advantage because I have a website and he doesn't. I found his sister on FB, but she and I have never met in person and I wouldn't even ask her to be friends.

So where to go from here? Wish I knew.

I finally talked to Stacey- she told me her procedure went okay and felt like it only took a minute. They gave her something for anxiety and also painkillers, so she told me she wasn't really feeling anything about it. I imagine she will be feeling plenty down the road, so I'm waiting for that. I suppose I'm glad it's over and if her husband never finds out, that will surely be for the best.

We did have a little wrinkle last week when she basically questioned my integrity and felt like I was hitting on AG, the guy she's having an affair with. I was a little insulted that she could even think I would ever steal a friend's guy or jeopardize our friendship in any way. I realized that she thought that because SHE is a cheater and a seducer, not me. She has pretty much cheated on every guy she ever dated, and her husband. So naturally she sees that potential in everyone. I can't even imagine going there, how ridiculously stupid it would be.

In any case, I let it go because she was all in her messed up place about needing to go to the hospital etc. She mentioned on the phone that AG had gone with her and then taken her home- she said, "In a weird way it's brought us closer together, but will probably push us apart in the end." Always with the drama, if you ask me... already she is thinking that they are splitting... I don't think that Stacey is actually capable of being in a long-term relationship.

Well, gotta go, because now I'm getting more cramps! Ugh.

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