Dear Diary,

I might be psychic. A little bit, anyway.

Last night I saw Steffy for about 5 minutes at dance class, before I left early. Remember how I told you, some time ago, that she asked Matt to talk about their future, he said he needed a couple days and then they would talk about it, then he disappeared? I mean, he never called her- she never saw him again....! What an asshole.

Then last week Steffy told me he'd sent her a couple of emails and they were scheduled to have dinner on Sunday night. As soon as she told me that I knew he wouldn't show. Call it an inkling. Call it intuition. Call it a brick between the eyes.

Surprise, surprise, I asked her how dinner was and she said, "Oh- he canceled." Poor girl. Most days I would like to kick that guy's ass. Or maybe Steffy's ass for believing that he will ever be different. He didn't show up while they were dating, why would he show up now?

But I guess people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Ahem.

Cleaned the house today and ran some errands. Stopped by the restaurant and saw Jim- Simon is away... got a free meal. Thank God for those guys, cause sometimes I'd just be starving!

Stacey called me earlier while I was cleaning the house. It was weird because as soon as the phone rang I knew it was her. Intuition strikes again!

She was driving to work, and she asked me if Elliot had called. I said he had, a couple of times. I didn't say much or ask about her. She proceeded to tell me how AG had told her all kinds of horrible things about his soon-to-be-ex-wife on the plane, then had to talk to her on the phone when he got back... and she had this kind of wistful way about her (Stacey, that is...). Maybe a sadness about how AG was not ready. Some bitterness too.

Now let me explain a little something. Do you know how all women at one time or another wonder which character on Sex and The City they resemble the most? Stacey's would have been Samantha. She was strictly a fuck-em-and-leave-em kind of girl. But then she had a kid. And then she met AG. And I remember her saying, "I don't know what's wrong with me- I feel like I don't want to have sex with anybody unless I have some kind of.... feelings about them." It was blowing her away. I guess having that kid blasted her heart right open, and made her capable of a new kind of love.

Anyway, it just may be possible that she loves AG. But he's not even divorced- just separated- and trying to work out an arrangement with his kid. And Stacey gets burned. (I know what it feels like to be in love with a newly divorced man...) And now she's bitter. I realized something about her, her definition of love... she's always all about, I love him, I love him... until he's not the way she wants him to be, and then she hates the guy... doesn't matter what guy... pick one... that's her definition of love. You love someone until they disappoint you, and then they are an asshole and evil and you hate them. What a way to live. Adolescent. Childlike, if you will.

Which was the impetus behind her statement about M the other night. She doesn't get it. She thinks loving makes you weak. And now that she's been hurt, she won't make the same mistake again. She was talking about how she was going to end it with AG, and maybe just go back to fucking around. Maybe that will work for her- I don't know.

And I don't really know why she called me today. Maybe she has an inkling that I am pissed about what she said, and she's trying to make sure our connection is okay. She's even sending me a gift, and wanted to know the best time to send it.

Who can know? I'm still learning myself.

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