Dear Diary,

It has been a long day. First of all I spent most of the morning with tech support for my website, that sucked. I cleaned the house a bit but not much. I went to work, which was okay, but I wasn't paying attention on the way home, and got on the wrong bus and ended up in the wrong part of town... by the time I got myself straightened out, and to the grocery store, I only had a couple of hours to both clean the house big time and start cooking...

I cleaned for almost two hours and then started cooking. Somewhere in there Swing called and left a message that he wouldn't be able to come to my party because he had to stay late at work. Really I did not find this at all shocking and actually I have to say that I felt rather relieved... suddenly I didn't care so much about what the house looked like, and it felt more like it would just be a relaxing night with friends.

Red arrived first, then John, then Albert... for whatever reason Marva and Bethany took forever to get here, I guess because they did not prepare at all and brought salad stuff, bread and cheese to put together here... they finally arrived and the meal was done... stew, a vegetarian soup, rice, salad, a selection of cheese, olives and bread. Really good. Plus three pies for dessert, and John brought over a wheatless dessert which was delicious. I am going back on my dietary plan...

After dinner we played some games and it was good fun. Some chatting in the living room and everybody but Albert hung out till about midnight. Red, John, Marva and Bethany all left together and I could see Red already getting really sad about moving... I know the next few days are going to be tough ones for us!

After everyone was gone, I did the rest of the dishes, wrapped up the pies (only Bethany would take a little bit home with her) and returned some calls that I missed. Keith called, and I decided to just return Swing's call and tell him thanks for letting me know he wasn't coming. I figured he bailed out because he is a chicken and my call would just go to voicemail.

I was pretty surprised that he answered the phone, and then he seemed to want to have a conversation with me. I tried to end the conversation and he started a new point, asking me about a guy we both knew.... I told him that that guy had made me dinner once, but it wasn't as good as the dinner Swing made me... which was the truth. Swing also made some kind of comment that I was mean, so I think he thinks I can be pretty caustic. He doesn't even know... what I am guessing is he's more sensitive than I realized, and probably took my jokes the wrong way. But when I gave him a compliment he really liked it. Also he was complaining about not really being able to connect emotionally with this guy, which is a weird thing for a man to complain about. Swing's dad died some time ago and I think he is really upset about that still.... and his attempts at connecting with men are some kind of effort to fill the daddy wound.

Anyway to my surprise he asked me out for next weekend, okay whatever I said as I am around. I don't know... maybe he is bad news, maybe I read things wrong, AND maybe this is an opportunity to speak up about some of this behavior that I don't like.

Who the fuck knows what I'm doing, anyway?

I sure don't

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