#3

It's midnight, so that makes it official: Swing doesn't keep his word, he's lame, and even if he calls first thing tomorrow and is extremely charming, it is necessary for me to tell him I've already made plans for the weekend. Period. Everything is pointing to the idea that this person doesn't respect me and isn't even interested in me enough to pursue me.

The sad part about it is I feel like there's something about me that continues to attract this type of man, the type that shows up and then dissolves away... it's chronic in my life and it is deeply hurtful. I don't even know how I can continue to believe in love at all... that's the amazing part.

And maybe it's just a matter of boundaries, and once I say no more, and cut them off, that will change things for me. Maybe I should know better in the first place, and nip things in the bud, instead of letting it go on even when I know better, as in the case of Elliot.

Which reminds me, Marie posted some photos from her birthday on FB, and there were some pictures of Alphie on there... and he looks... bizarre. I'm not sure what it is about him, he looks somewhat heavier and like something is missing from his face. Perhaps puffy. I can't decide if he is on drugs, or had some kind of plastic surgery or botox, but I think he looks terrible. Either one of those are possibilities, knowing Alphie's addictions and his ego.

In general I guess I just feel sucky about my own life, and I should go to bed.

Love,
Duck

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