Dear Diary,

Well last night the situation was finally sorted out with the airlines, good for me...

Now I can breathe easy because things are really getting settled for the month ahead. I have not heard from Ginny at all, so I don't know if she's pissed about me not coming yesterday. But, she's also the kind of person that if she's pissed, she'll tell me about it.

She's been saying things to me as of late about "the way I am". Carla, too, made a comment the other day that my grief process has "just gone on too long." Well I don't know where these people get permission to decide how long my processes are supposed to be, or how I am supposed to be, but really, fuck them. I hardly talk to them on a regular basis anyway, so they don't REALLY know what's going on with me... they just see what they see and decide they are not witnessing enough improvement since last time and so they have the right to say something about it?! Plus it's not exactly like I sit on my ass and don't do anything about it... all my therapy, classes and self-help stuff, I mean that's going on for a reason. And I'm just "in it". Not pretending it's not happening. I really don't need to hear anybody's opinions about it- I need support for where I am.

I did talk to Bethany, briefly- her event went okay and she was not upset about me not being there. I just phoned her when I was walking to the store to get some food. I don't really have anything edible in the house, except salad, and that usualy needs a little something to go with it.

I didn't go to the bank today like I wanted to. I got up at eleven, did whatever, and went back to bed. I took a little nap and had a weird dream. Then I've been cruising around on FB and doing useless shit. I know, I know. Now I'll get some work done, and maybe clean, and maybe even start packing for my flight next week. I am working all weekend, so really, this IS my weekend, and I'm being lazy as hell. No apologies, either.

Luke sent me a message on FB saying he's sorry I missed his party, and some other chat. I responded back in a playful way, saying whatever I could without blatantly saying, "So ask me out already." He seems like a very masculine guy who needs to take the lead so I am trying to give him all the signals that I am interested.

Smitten, on the other hand, seems like the kind of guy who doesn't plan much of anything and might be thinking about breezing into town and just doing something spontaneously. That's kind of bumming me out because my weekend is filling up with work, appointments and meetings, and I would really like for him to initiate some kind of basic plan with me so I actually get to see him before I leave. But, he just might be that he will have to learn the hard way to make plans with me in advance.

Oh well oh well.

Looks like I missed seeing Aleda while she was here... I told her when I'd be back but neither one of us called each other... truthfully I don't know why or really think she'd be interested in hanging out with me, maybe she's just pretending she wants to.

Maybe I'll write more later.

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