Dear Diary,

Oddest thing: wrote a big ol' entry last night but I guess I got interrupted in the middle with emails and what not... then I was so tired I shut the computer down without saving my entry.

Ta da!

Oh well. Guess you weren't meant to see it.

I'll try to recap as best I can. Work was fine last night and actually moved along well where I left a little earlier than usual and went to the grocery store. In that area it is rather expensive, but I have been going to that grocery and purchasing meats because it is fancy and they have a lot of meats that are free of hormones and anti-biotics. Since this is important to me, I will spend the money on that, and buy vegetables here at my local grocery. I try to buy as much organic veggies here as possible, but sometimes it's difficult because they tend to sell the organic stuff in pre-packaged packs of 3 or 4 or 5. A little irritating because I don't necessarily need 3 peppers or three cucumbers, and it ends up costing more than I might want to spend in the moment, and who knows if I can eat all that stuff before it goes bad. At any rate I am doing my best to go wheatless again, because I do think it has a great effect on my overall health.

I stocked up and got home in record time. I spoke with Red while I was shopping, haven't been able to connect with him really since I was away. He is actually traveling for work, and trying to fill his off time with random activities. There was some kind of mix-up with a woman that was assisting him, and she thought he asked her to the movies so she agreed to go. Which caused Red to backpedal and un-invite her, saying that he had a partner and wanted to do right by her, and basically admitting that he found this other woman attractive and didn't trust himself, so he would not go to the movies with her. This of course only made said woman MORE attracted to him, and she refused to take no for an answer. So I guess they went to the movies; I hope Red kept it in his pants, because I believe that Callie is the best thing that ever happened to him, and if he fucks that up I will personally kick his ass.

Also spoke with Elliot, which was nice. I don't know if I'm dreaming that this segue was so easy, but it seems to be. We talked about a bunch of stuff including him telling me about another woman that he hooked up with, she expressed that she wanted to be monogamous, he said he couldn't, then they started fooling around again and she started saying things like, well maybe we could try it out. But Elliot actually realized that the whole thing was not so realistic and broke it off- which I am kind of surprised at his integrity about that, but also have great admiration for it. He could tell that this woman really would not be able to handle it and would end up getting hurt- she was already showing signs of being jealous and not understanding why she couldn't "be everything to him", so he decided that it was the right thing to do.

(Incidentally, I believe that Elliot doesn't want everything- he wants safety. And there's too much risk in putting all his eggs in one basket and committing to one woman and risking rejection or even heartbreak- just a thought).

So I did have fun chatting with Elliot because we talked about a lot more other things than that too. He was also very supportive and excited about my recent adventures. I'm thinking my therapist would not at all understand or support me being friends with Elliot, but, I guess I'll find out tomorrow!

I ended up calling a bunch more people because I was feeling lonely and a little needy. And aware of it too. It's just my old pattern that gets kicked up. I remember when Wisconsin was here (what? three years ago now?) and we had this moment of intimacy in my kitchen where I was sitting on his lap, and I just started freaking out- because the whole prospect of relationship just scared the shit out of me. I have abandonment issues, okay? I totally own them. I am a terrified obsessive freak.

So I called Bethany and we had a short but fun connection, agreeing that we both missed each other since this afternoon, when we were once again laughing hysterically till we cried. What better friendship is there?

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