Dear Diary,

Yesterday started out pretty productive: I ate my healthy breakfast, took my supplements, made the cake to bring to work and even started wrapping up the gifts for Keith. But then things went in kind of a downward spiral, and I got lazy, and sat in front of the computer and I did not go to the gym or do my PT exercises or do anything much worthwhile.

Work was okay and afterward I met up with Bethany and John because I was starving. I had stuffed some salad in my mouth before I left, but I guess that was not enough!

So I definitely have some things to finish up here, and I'm wondering if I could even get my taxes organized enough to have them ready to go.

I went to bed later than I have in a while, but the quality of my sleep seems good. And it seems that I can really only sleep an average of 8 hours or so, and then I am really done. This is a strange feeling to wake up and have this kind of energy- I'm not complaining, just saying it's strange!

Got another FB message from Luke- apparently he has been out of town since I left him MY message... it's kind of ridiculous because he told me to call him when I got back, but never mentioned that HE would be leaving. At any rate, he's not coming back till mid-March, and said he hopes we can get together then. Truthfully I don't think anything will come of this, because he doesn't seem interested enough. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it all a try.

And I put my profile back up online. I was literally working on it- changing the photos and some of the text- when I got a message from a guy I had exchanged messages with last time I was on in the fall of '08. He was all, "Could it be true? Are you back on this site? Can we have a do-over?" He's saying that because we originally had plans for a date, and he was supposed to leave me a message by 3pm of where to meet him later that night, but he didn't write the message soon enough, and I had to leave the house. I very explicitly told him that I must know by 3pm... then when I got home later that night, I saw he had written at 3:27pm, and 7 something... and 8 something... but I realized in that moment that I had been waiting for men (M, specifically) and it disgusted me that this guy couldn't even do this simple thing by 3pm, so I closed off my profile and told the guy I didn't want to date. That was that- if anything I realized I was tired of waiting for men to show up for me, and I was tossing the whole thing away.

So for whatever reason I said I would meet him for dinner, even though I pretty much know that nothing will happen with this guy, but as the girls were saying the other night, I guess it's important to go out a lot and let men treat you nicely... and I guess it will take some time away from bumming around and thinking about the men that I'd rather be dating.

As you can guess, no word at all from Smitten. When I contacted him he was sweet as pie, but doesn't really reach out to me at all. Truthfully this bums me out, because it's one of those conflicting messages that guys can give. So maybe he decided that I am too crazy or needy or something... I mean I was really trying to be more normal... or maybe, because he is older, and just suffered a recent heartbreak (it seems) he is just taking his time, and perhaps he plans to connect with me more deeply the next time he is here. Or maybe he doesn't think about it at all.

So I will just do what I can here, and work away this weekend, and go out with dorky 3:27 guy, and hope that life will change for the better very very soon.

Love,
Duck

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