#2

Okay I only made the tiniest dent in my taxes. But it was something. Then I had to be out the door on my way to work, which was also something... at least I had some work today. If I can make $400 by the 1st, I can pay my rent!!

Hmm. I left myself the option of going home today after work and then coming back into town to meet Bethany, but I decided not to go home- felt like too much work. So instead I went to a cafe, had a burrito, and spent two hours there reading my book. Then I went to the bookstore because Gail and I had a deal that we would talk at 7pm.

That's because she has been having some kind of trauma/drama, but I don't have any daytime minutes left, so I told her she needed to call me at night.

I knew it was about Craig before I even talked to her. Part of me is still pretty angry and annoyed that she really was not there for me when I was so crushed about what was going on with M. But I prepared myself for this call nonetheless.

Of course, it was about Craig. Gail was really freaking out because Craig started his own business and made a website and is marketing himself as somebody who is much smarter than he actually is. Of course this pushes all of Gail's buttons because she is so competitive and she's in a very weird place right now- she gave up her apartment, went on a vision quest and is now home staying back and forth with her kids. She is also thinking about doing major changes with her career and is very unsure of herself.

The whole thing is ridiculous and I told Gail so. What Craig is saying he can do, he actually has no training to do- and he is going to bury himself. Nobody is going to take him seriously, because he doesn't have the skill or vocabulary to even pull off this stuff.

And also, the whole thing is a ploy to 1) push all of Gail's buttons and make her feel insecure and 2) possibly get her back. I remember when Craig quit our training, and in the parking lot he said the only way he would be able to get Gail to love and respect him is if he became independent of her and became her equal- well this is his attempt at doing that. But he is not qualified.

I reassured Gail- her biggest fear is that he will become more successful than her. Well not that it matters, but I highly doubt it, in this arena. I told her about an incident: when Craig first met M, afterward Craig told me, "M's a nice guy, but you know, he's not as much of a man as I am," or something to that effect. Because Craig was always competing with people and came off really arrogant. So I didn't feel bad telling Gail that one time when she invited M and I to go to the lake with her and Craig, M declined on the grounds that hanging out with Craig, for him, felt like, "When I was thirteen and my parents used to take me to my aunt's house, and I had to play with my seven-year-old cousin in the basement. It was a drag, and I wanted to be talking to the grown-ups."

Afterward I met up with Bethany. We were trying to find a place to eat and wandering a bit in her neighborhood looking at different restaurants. We just happened to run into John and a guy he takes his martial arts class with. We sat down with them (they were eating Mexican and I had had a burrito for lunch and basically that's all Bethany and I seem to eat together so we had decided we were going to have something different-) for an hour or so and got to know John's friend and made each other laugh hysterically (cause that's what Bethany and I do). I don't know what kind of impression we made, I certainly can't be sure at this point.

We parted from the guys and Bethany and I found a place to eat. I am watching every penny so we split an appetizer and she got a sandwich. It was filling at any rate, I feel like I'm getting my period, blah. I came home, and that's it for the day.

I won't be leaving the house tomorrow- I'm going to organize my work materials for the weekend, finish my taxes, and complete some other tasks. It has to be done!

I know I'm nuts, but I'm missing Smitten. Simpley because I want some affection, some man-company, and some romance. I am aware I might be projecting too much on him, but nobody else seems to be showing up in my life right now. Smitten seems to like me, but also be somewhat intimidated by me, and seems to be scattered and not very good at making plans or having communication, and that's two things I really like in a guy. But. Who knows. Maybe I just have to be open. Keith keeps pointing out that he cares for me and I will probably always have him in my life even if we are just friends.

I wish the Universe would put the pedal to the metal and get me a man. I need hugging, kissing, cuddling, romance, hot sex, slow sex, oral sex, penetration, kink, nipple play, orgasm, and random acts of ejaculation (mine).

I'm just sayin'.

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