Dear Diary,

Don't ask why I'm still not asleep yet... life just takes its turns!

I went to Steffy's again last night. Her roommate Tamika fed me. The second time I ate dinner there in so many nights... it is funny because it is just such a different experience for me, being with "girls". For instance, they are always dating and they know ALL the details of each other's lives- kind of like college.

The day before I had shown them the picture of Smitten, so they know about him. I mentioned that he called. And also I guess I mentioned something about us having a date previously. When I said that both Steffy and Tamika gasped and said things like, "Wait a minute. Back up. You had a DATE?! And didn't tell us?" And they wanted ALL the details. Which is kind of amazing to me, but that's how they live.

So I told them what I could about my connection thus far with Smitten: I met him at Louie's birthday party. He was not my type and therefore not someone I expected to be interested in. He gave me his card. I emailed him a few weeks later after my dating disaster with Swing. He came here in late January, picked me up at my house, and we went to dinner. Where I got a headache from eating a quesadilla. Then we went to a party where I was at least 15 years older than everybody else, and then Smitten walked me home, put me on my bed and spooned me and played me music on his phone. Bit my ear and told me I was beautiful. Then he left. The next time I saw him he proceeded to give me acupuncture. For some odd reason he will not kiss me. It's a puzzle.

Well the girls were very interested in all the details. Too bad Jen, the third roommate, was working and missed the story. She would have liked it. In truth, I have had so many instances of guys appearing in my life where there is some kind of "intimacy" and then they disappear, so I'm kind of a wait-and-see kind of gal- I don't really get excited about anything anymore until it feels a bit more substantial, and don't really tell anybody about that kind of stuff until it feels definite.

Today I worked, which was fine, Carla was there, and some other woman that drives me nuts. Afterward I met Bethany for some food. We had some frank conversation, where I told her about my strategizing re: Smitten- spacing my phone calls and my affection so that I don't appear needy or smothering. Even though in Real Life I am needy and smothering. But hey.

She totally identified with me.... and on some other things too. She brought up the fact that she always feels she is apologizing for herself and justifying her reasons for not wanting to do things, because saying no feels too hard. I completely identify with that. It's because we both lack ego strength. At least we had a good laugh about it, and Bethany called us, "two peas in a pod." Well it helps to know I'm not the only pea.

Huh. Then I came home and talked to Red. He is thinking of breaking up with Callie. I'm not sure if it's his brain working overtime again. He says it's too much "work" connecting with her. She says she doesn't feel close to him because he doesn't communicate enough. Then she doesn't want sex and he closes down. There was also a litany of other complaints.

I pointed out first of all, that Red should give up thinking that life is greener on the other side of the fence and that another woman would be less complicated. It will always feel like "work" to a man to figure out a woman emotionally and communicate with her. If she were that easy for him to communicate with, she'd probably be a man and he wouldn't even find her attractive.

But, there are other issues such as, Red doesn't feel that she's sexual enough or even feminine enough. She doesn't flirt or talk about sex at all, and she is against public displays of affection. Red feels like forplay can start hours ahead of time through flirtation, touching and kissing moderately before they get home to the bedroom. She doesn't like it. He says also that Callie is always tired and never wants to go out and do something fun- she prefers cooking to dining out, and wants to get in bed and that's it. He says they've only been dating since the end of January, but feels like they've been married for years...

Well I don't know about all that. I really was hoping it would work out for them, but hey, I've never met Callie in person (only talked to her on the phone and she sounds cute as hell). The whole scenario reminds me of my friends Petra and Michael- Michael is always complaining that Petra, being years younger than him, is always tired and sick and he wants to make love and go out dancing and she never wants to go. Huh.

Well that's enough relationship counseling for one night. I stayed up way too late.

Love,
Duck

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