Dear Diary,

Well another day... I didn't leave the house. I woke up at noon. I really seem to have trouble falling asleep again. I will have to tell Smitten about this. Only he never picks up his phone, and I feel like a dork leaving a message when he never even called me back from last time. I feel like I have to get myself in order somehow, so I'm not all crazy when I call him.

I was feeling very overwhelmed and pressured today. Howard, Marva and John were supposed to be here at 7pm. John wrote that he could come over earlier, because he wanted to talk about something. I wrote back and told him he should just come at 7. Sometimes I really cannot handle people inviting themselves over- it makes me crazy. I know it is a space issue and I feel easily invaded. But John also knows this about me so I just told him that it is nothing personal, but I need everyone to come at 7pm.

I spent most of the day cleaning the house, and some of it crying and feeling angry and overwhelmed. But at least I tried to work it out of my body. I also got a call from the woman across the hall, who is convalescing in the hospital. She told me her son had been by, did he leave me a note? I looked on my door and in her apartment, but there was no note. And she mentioned it was Thursday and did I put the recycling out? Well, no, not yet. I was not home last Thursday, so I couldn't put out the recycling. But apparently her son tattled on me, and this woman was actually calling me FROM THE HOSPITAL ABOUT THE RECYCLING. Jesus, please do not let me become one of these people when I am old. The kind of person that goes to the laundromat and guards a basket right in front of their machine for 45 minutes, watching their laundry go around and around, ready to fight anyone who tries to take their basket. The kind of person who shushes little kids in restaurants who are kind of babbling because they are just learning how to talk. The kind of person who worries about their recycling when they are in the hospital.

Now I'm not so much bothered by the old woman, but more by her tattling son. I was going to do it anyway, but now he made me look all irresponsible. So I spent a good half hour gathering hers and mine, separating and doing the whole thing. What a pain in the ass. But whatever. I also tied up all my cardboard with string and kicked it to the curb. And the usual things- dishes, vacuumed, put a million clothes away. Does something come in the night and eat all my hangers? Why do I never have enough hangers?

Marva and John arrived late anyway. Howard of course comes from work so he arrived last. I served them all tea, we had our meeting, they went home.

I got a text from Luke this afternoon, that he was thinking about going for a motorcycle ride tomorrow during the day and would I like to go? I was tempted to write, "I'm kind of tapped out and can't really afford to go out for the day," But he probably wouldn't get it anyway. At first I didn't know... I mean... I like the whole bike thing... but I don't think I want to spend any more time with Luke. Even Bethany pointed out what made her pissed. She said, "It was like you passed some test; he had you pay for lunch, then he came back and put his head in your lap- that's what makes me angry!" I had felt kind of appalled when that happened. Steffy agreed it's a big turn-off. See, I'm not the only one. Bethany insists he could have made it clear way ahead of time that we would have been paying for our own lunches- by inviting me into the decision of where to eat (like asking, "an entree here is about $14.95. Is that a good price range for you?" would have been helpful).

Anyway. I texted him back that I have plans for tomorrow (Yes. My plans included lounging about in my pajamas, and most likely putting my fingers on my clitoris. Oh, and eating some eggs. That happens everyday) but that I hope he enjoys his ride.

And now... I dunno. Gotta get some good quality sleep.

Love,
Duck

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