Dear Diary,

I called Smitten today- he answered, and we chatted a bit. But he didn't really sound like his usual self- he didn't really have much to offer in the way of conversation, and I'm wondering if he is depressed. It just felt like there were some awkward pauses in the conversation.

But, he did say he was making plans to come here. And that one of the blocks he ran into was that he would not be able to stay with Jimmy, because Jimmy rented his other room out until May 15th. I am hoping I don't have to wait another month for Smitten to come here! I did tell him that I was having trouble sleeping again. He said of course he would help me.

After we hung up, I had a weird feeling. A feeling that yes, maybe I am pinning my hopes too high. I don't really know how well Smitten and I would get along with each other, and those awkward silences seemed to punctuate that fact.... but who knows? We both seem to feel pretty horny when we are together. There definitely seems to be some kind of chemistry happening. I guess I'll just have to wait. And in the meanwhile, try to do some work.

Which, went okay today. I think now I will have enough money to pay for my phone and internet. I am still trying to get people signed up for my presentation next week; for which I have no one. I can't believe it, but maybe things will start happening last minute? I can hope.

Luke sent me a picture that he had taken of me at the restaurant. I wrote back and said, "Thanks for sending, I wish I had been wearing a pretty black dress or something rather than my puffy winter coat and white socks."

He wrote, "Well this was just the rehearsal."

I have no idea what that means. Does he think we're going out again? Please Smitten, get here fast before I do something stupid. My nights are lonely.

Huh. Why is everything so much effort??

I've been watching Weeds online, and I like it very much, the pace and the humor and everything. I'm already on season three. I was watching The L Word, but there have been a couple of shows that I can't find good links to, so it has cut me off in that way... I'm thinking that once I get my new DVD player, I can get that series from Netflix, and watch it on the big screen.

I did go get something to eat with Bethany and John after work tonight, even though now I realize I should have just come home. I really CANNOT afford to eat out at all. But I was so hungry! Everything turns out to be expensive.... Bethany was kind of irritating me tonight. She can be very complainy (as can I, I suppose). But I'm not even sure what she was complaining about tonight- some guy she saw in the park? It just felt irrelevant. What I think happened is I did not eat properly today, and my blood sugar plummeted, and next thing you know everybody is annoying me. That's usually what happens. Then I am reeeally super edgy, like I don't want people to even touch me, or I've just had enough of certain topics and I'm just DONE.

Why is my phone bill a dollar more than it was last month? It seems like it wouldn't be a big deal, but that's just the point. Little by little, things get more and more expensive, but in such small increments that no one bothers to ask. It irritates me. Grrr. Also my internet service went up $5. Why? I see no discernable difference in quality. I dare say I have the worst company ever. I hate them. But I guess that's beside the point...

I should go to bed. Oh, how I miss my acupuncturist!!!

[previous] [next]