Dear Diary,

Rain is falling softly outside... I am actually feeling tired, so I will be going to bed soon.

Last night I could not sleep, so I cried instead. Tears from somewhere- feels like it's about M- or some kind of grief. Who knew I had anymore in me?

Perhaps it is because I wrote an email to my therapist. Unlike the three people who owe ME money, when I call them- and they don't answer me back or respond at all... I have written to a few of the people I owe money to, to tell them I haven't forgotten but I still don't have it yet, and I will send some money when I have it. My therapist wrote back, and said she believes in me, and she also included an attachment about "Getting An Ex Back" because she says she still believes I might have a chance to be with M. It was a rather weird attachment, not unlike some things I've seen before- you contact the person with an air of the sense that you don't really need them back, with a sense of mystery as well, so the ex is wondering about you. Seems kind of contrived to me, and I don't really have the energy for that. Plus I just don't feel together enough to be calling M right now. My life is still a mess. I am dead broke, with no man in my life, overweight, and feeling like a loser. Gah.

I think shit will only really work like that if it's true- I've never been very good at lying about stuff like that.

I met up with B and his girlfriend today. I would say she is a "new" girlfriend but actually they have been together for awhile and I have never met her. We went to the movies, and to lunch, and overall it was fun. B paid for everything, which was cool and made me relax. It has been a long time since I've been to the movies, and laughed out loud, or had someone buy me lunch, so it was all nice. I entertained them with tales of The Acupuncturist Who Made Me Sleep, and The Man That Made Me Pay For Lunch, and they were amused. B's girlfriend wants to introduce me to one of their friends, even though I assured both of them that I do not want to be set up, and please don't take that job on, because really, it doesn't work for me. I got the sense that B is ready to let it go, but not so with his girl.

After lunch we walked around some shoe stores... apparently B's girl likes to shop... she seems to have a very good sense of what is fashionable. As usual, I was wearing my very unfashionable shoes, and didn't have much to say about bags either. I have some kind of Bag Blindness, and when women go all ga-ga over handbags, I really don't see it. I just don't! They are all kind of boring to me.... honestly, I have several cute purses of my own that I like well enough, but... I am just not a handbag person. I am happy with one purse that goes with most everything, and I would probably carry it everyday. Actually I carried the same bag for 10 years before M bought me a couple of purses, he bought two because I couldn't decide which color.

And shoes- I just want to be comfortable. I have my share of cute shoes, but because of the pain in my back, and ankle, I would only wear them really when M was driving or we would take a cab. I walk A LOT, because I am a public transporation girl, and I don't have time to prance around in heels which basically doubles my walking time, as well as creating very sore feet, and sometimes blisters. Just doesn't work for me...

So maybe I am unfashionable... I confess.

For some reason I had a pain in my shoulder all day today- I guess I slept funny- so I told those guys I was headed home.

And now I'm tired.

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