Dear Diary,

Last night I went to work, which was cool because I got paid more than I expected...

And then I just happened to be by Jimmy's, so I called him and he invited me over.

He gave me some food, and we listened to some music. Somehow he asked me about my ex, so I told him about M in about three sentences, with no emotion, which is pretty good for me.

We didn't really talk about Smitten at all. As a matter of fact, the only thing that came up was that I said I was no longer sleeping, and the only thing that had helped me to sleep had been Smitten's treatment. Jimmy said I should get someone that works with more patients, because Smitten doesn't work with that many people (maybe implying that Smitten doesn't know what he's talking about?) which doesn't really matter because the proof was in the pudding, and I was the pudding... the sleeping pudding, if you will.

I'm not sure, but I thought I detected a bit of annoyance toward Smitten on the part of Jimmy. Jimmy didn't seem interested in my connection with Smitten at all. And I noticed another weird thing- the second room in Jimmy's apartment is empty. Smitten told me that he had wanted to come here, but he had nowhere to stay because Jimmy needed money and had rented out his second room until May 15th. Well I looked in that room and there was nothing- no belongings of any kind, so I thought that was very strange indeed. Indeed. Maybe it's all my imagination, because sometimes I like to think I could be on CSI. I didn't really ask Jimmy about it, because then he would know I talked to Smitten, and I don't know, maybe Jimmy doesn't want Smitten there?

Anyhow, we ate, we listened to music, and then Jimmy said, "I'm kind of tired," (it was after midnight at this point), "why don't you come in here and lie down with me?" And he lay down on his bed. Okay, I did, and he rolled me over kind of facing him, kind of trying to put my arm around him, and he closed his eyes. So we were lying there for awhile, and then I said I had a headache, which was true, by the way- and Jimmy went and got some peppermint oil and rubbed it all over my forehead, and we lay there some more. He put on some very hypnotic music and was surprised it didn't make me sleepy. He was sleepy though, I could tell- he looked tired from the moment I got there. So I bid him goodbye and walked the long way to the bus station, and got home at 2:30 or so, but it felt like it was only midnight or so to me, still early, because my body doesn't know how to sleep anymore.

Except in the morning when I feel starved for sleep, and the people in the apartment upstairs seem to be teaching elephants to dance.

Part of me wants to call Smitten today, just because I am lonely, I guess. But really I guess I shouldn't be calling him anymore. I have also noticed more and more feelings surfacing about M, although I don't remember having any dreams about him in a very long time. I am tired of being alone- not because I am afraid, or feel like I can't do things alone- I know I can. I actually don't even want a partner in my business... I prefer to have that be separate from my relationship. But I do want a lover. I want to have some mad crazy, really good sex, y'know? Feels like I'm wasting a lot of time in my life these days... time I could be having sex!!

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