Dear Diary,

What a day today.

My morning is actually about 1:30pm... I just wanted to stay in bed all day, so that's pretty much what I did. I watched episodes of Dexter for hours at a time.

Eventually I decided I should get up and do something... I stopped by my neighbor's, the lady who was in the hospital. She is back now, and apparently I did not kill her plants- happy about that. We chatted for at least a half hour, probably more. I kept telling her I was hungry and I was going to get some dinner, but she kept starting another conversation. I get the feeling she's a little lonely... which is all fine, but eventually you can guarantee that she will go into a spiral of negativity- talking about how expensive everything is, or how dangerous it is at night, or how she never feels well. I already have enough negativity on my own, I don't need hers.

I went to the grocery store, where I forgot to buy toilet paper. Instead I bought some candles, because I had the idea to decorate them. I had a fleeting thought that perhaps I shouldn't spend the money, but then I told myself I should do something that makes me happy. Times have been hard enough, and I deserve to have an activity that brings me some joy... yes that makes sense.

I went to a neighborhood restaurant. I rarely go out to eat in my neighborhood, but I knew I had to get out of the house, and eat some kind of balanced meal.

I called Thomas from the restaurant, and told him I would not be able to afford the upcoming training weekend. Plus I tried to get through a pile of material and I don't even understand it. So I'm getting the feeling that I'm not really supposed to be there anyway.

Thomas told me about a couple of things going on in his life, with he and his girlfriend. And I told him how I've been feeling- alone, somewhat rejected by Smitten, terrified about not sleeping, upset, the whole deal. Of course Thomas didn't have any solutions, but it felt good just to have someone to talk to, to tell the truth to...

Hmm.

I feel somewhat better now- a little bit more hope.

Hope? I hardly ever say that word.

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