#2

Back again, Diary... Keith was just driven off by his sister... now I feel an incredible amount of space around me... it's nice... ahhhh is all I can say.

I hate when I get to feeling bitchy, but I just need my space. There is really not much I can do about it... feelings are what they are, and they can't really be controlled.

It's almost as if I don't know what to do with myself... it's a beautiful day, but... I don't know what to do with it, and I don't have any steadfast plans. I could take the bus to the mountains, but I'm not sure if I want to go anywhere at this time of the month... if you know what I mean... it could be uncomfortable!

So, I just went to the hardware store, and bought some paint for a shelf for shoes. I also bought some more seeds while I was there, since squirrels have already eaten most of the seeds I planted... it will be a fun little project. I have started some seedlings on my windowsill, so those should have an advantage to being planted in a couple weeks.

B called and we will probably meet up to go to the movies.

I just left a message regarding business on Irinia's voicemail, and now I am stressing about it because it is mildly confrontational. But, that might be really good. Because if she calls me back I can just say point blank, "What do you want from me?" Instead of always feeling her pulling on me and me trying to avoid her. Which is really no kind of friendship to have, so if the friendship dies because we can't work together, so be it.

Speaking of no kind of friendship, I called Gail yesterday. I hardly ever call her during the daytime, because I don't have very many daytime minutes. And usually, when I think about calling her, I say to myself, "But she's just going to talk and talk about herself, and I don't have the energy for it," Well yesterday was just a reminder of why I don't spend my daytime minutes on her... it was like The Gail Show. Somehow, even though she says, "What's going on?" she suddenly takes over the conversation, and Diary, I am not kidding when I say I can't get a word in edgewise. She was complaining about FB, and when I tried to tell her the things she could do to change her settings, she just kept talking over me. She literally couldn't, or wouldn't, hear me. I must have tried to say something for about 20 minutes, but she went on and on without taking a breath. At one point I stopped at a place to order a sandwich, and I kept saying, "Hold on one minute, hold on, hold on," but she couldn't even hear that- so I just put her on mute and ordered my sandwich. You may think it's a joke, but it's not- the girl actually talks that much, nonstop, and I guess it doesn't matter who is listening.

Yes, and these are supposed to be my "friends". I think I need new friends. I've just described one girl that is constantly sucking my energy and wanting me to fulfill her somehow, and another who has no regard for me. What does that say about me?

I did some handwash and hung it up in the tub... a few minutes later I heard something fall and water running full force. Apparently the wet clothes on hangers pulled down the shower rack, and something must have turned on the water as it fell- I can only imagine if I wasn't home. I would have come home to water running full on! That's a little crazy to think about.

Okay I'm not missing Keith yet. I'm liking the silence, and the space, the lack of moisture and crap everywhere.

I can't help it. I'm a girl.

Love,
Duck

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