Dear Diary,

Last night I had bad cramps all night, and you can bet I woke up in a pretty bad mood this morning. As soon as I opened the door Keith was standing there with a sheepish grin on his face, saying, "Oops, I spilled some tea." Well the tea turned out to be this herbal stuff and all the brown HERBS were on the floor and the rug in the kitchen area. You can bet that's what I wanted to see as soon as I got up... and Keith was saying, "I'll clean it up, I just have to eat first..." Uh, yeah, there's a lot of stuff we have to do, but I was none too happy about all that stuff on the rug, possibly staining it.

I jumped into the shower, and tried to reason with myself. I know Keith does the best he can- I know he lacks certain skills. But I am tired of my shit being fucked up. That was a $1000 rug from Turkey or somewhere exotic- nevermind that I only paid $200 for it because the rug place was going out of business. The point is, it's MY rug and I like it. I've managed to live here 6 years and not spill a thing on it- Keith spills something everyday. I'm a little exhausted from wiping, sweeping, vacuuming, straightening and organizing after him...

Anyhow there in the shower I realized I was just getting grouchier and crampier with every minute so I yelled out of the shower if Keith would please make me some of that muscle-relaxing tea... and he said he would. I drank a cup but I was still cramping bad, so I drank another half a cup. Then I left the house because I had to get to the library- apparently my book renewal didn't go through yesterday, and now I was being fined for several things... I wanted to get it straightened out.

On the way to the library I realized I was totally high. That tea fucked me up. And, I still felt like shit, bad cramps but at the same time I was high as a kite. Oh, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Somehow I got myself there, and I talked to the guy at customer service and he fixed it all up. I was afraid to take off my sunglasses because I was sure my pupils were dilating madly, but I must have seemed sane and making sense because he gave me a break.

After that I brought my shoes to the shoe repair place, where they put those little taps on the heels... I wear out my shoes fast, so I'm trying to keep them all nice by putting those taps on.

Then I called Elliot and told him I was right by his house and needed to go to the health food store, did he want to go with me? He said yes, and waited for me in front of his building. When he saw me coming, he raised his eyebrows because despite being high, and in pain, I guess I look good today. My hair and skin have been looking great (surprising considering the amount of crappy food I eat), and I had a nice dress on. We walked to the store and as I did let him know that I was not myself due to the Magic Tea, but he seemed to be enjoying me. I was enjoying him too, and announced, "I'm feeling very amiable," which made him laugh. I was actually tempted to kiss him, but had enough presence of mind to know that I don't like to do that when I'm sober, so I shouldn't do such a thing under the influene of tea.

In any case, I expressed my desire for (non-dairy) ice cream, and Elliot said he would buy me one. I was so excited and said, "Really? Will you buy me an ice cream and walk me to the bus?" And he said yes. And that's just what he did, often putting his hand on the small of my back and steering me along, which I love. I know I would love it better if I was more attracted to him/loved him/or if he was someone else, but oh well.

Magic Tea also apparently makes me want to drunk dial, because I had an overwhelming urge to call Smitten. I still have his message on my phone from last week, when he called to tell me he was just passing through. I listened to that twice, and entertained the idea of calling him, but had to remind myself that I had only just sent him his birthday card yesterday, so I should give it some time and wait till he receives it. Luckily I did not dial M either.

I came home, went for a walk with Keith, made some dinner, we both worked on our computers, and Keith was so tired that he announced he had to go to bed- it never seems there's time to do anything with Keith- most of his time is spent preparing food after work, so there's not a lot of hanging out that gets done... so now he's sleeping, and here I am...

Tomorrow I am working in the evening, and I want to do some laundry. There really is no end to the stuff I need to do... I guess it will all be okay. I feel like FB is messing with me.

But I'm going to try to sleep, and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Love,
Duck

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