Dear Diary,

Well it's nuts that I'm still awake, but how could I not report to you what happened today?

I woke up about noon. I had a hard time sleeping last night, and was practically in tears. Also I noticed that when I woke up I felt sad. Just sad. I figured it was sadness about not hearing from Smitten so I was just tapping on that.

Then he called at about 12:30. Hello, how are you. I'm okay, how are you. He informed me that the girl next door to Jimmy's had had a health problem, and that was the heavy thing that took place last week. And he asked if I wanted to come over for treatment. Of course I said yes. He said to come earlier than later, because he and Jimmy would have to work later in the day.

Okay. I jumped up, got dressed and made myself look ultra cute- ran to his place, of course stopping to pick up some pizza for him. When I got there he was hugging me and saying, god you're cute. And practically threw me on the bed. Kissed the back of my head maniacally. I wanted him to kiss me seriously, not all crazy like some silent movie, but he said, just enjoy it. Lay next to me and we were talking and Jimmy came in. He and Jimmy shared the pizza and I had a piece of fruit- I was asking Jimmy some questions and Smitten was looking at me, and he would say, you're so cute.

Ha.

Then it was time for needles. Each time Smitten put a needle in he would name a quality he liked about me: cuteness, sweetness, sensuality, imagination are some that I remember... and then time for lying there by myself for what felt like an eternity. Eventually Smitten came in and he crawled right next to me and lay down on top of my arm. I stroked his hair a bit but I couldn't turn my head because I had needles in my ears. I asked him if he could take those out so I could turn my head, and he did. Then I snuggled up next to him. Rarely does Smitten stay still long enough for anything like this to happen, but he was tired. We were kind of petting each other and touching, and then I couldn't resist- I kissed his neck and ear and collarbone, and he moaned a lot.

Ha.

The only thing about that was I didn't feel as strong of a pheromone pull as I thought I would- maybe it was just hot and he was a little sweaty. But I had a moment of thinking maybe this was just a physical infatuation and nothing else. Maybe it would be quickly over. Or maybe, I am trying to back myself out of getting serious with anyone ever again. My mind can be tricky.

No doubt Smitten seemed to appreciate my kisses but he wouldn't kiss me back. Like, nothing. What a drag. I held my hair up and said, kiss me here. And he did but all goofy again, not like a real kiss. So exasperating. I said, "Are you still afraid of me?" and he said he was. All he would say was that it's my cuteness. That really doesn't make sense. I asked him if he'd every been married, he laughed and said no, not yet... it might never happen, but maybe it would. Which tells me he wants to. Hmm. Then he got up to get a drink of water.

Sitting on the floor at Jimmy's place (there's a lack of furniture in that house) we had a good talk- I don't know that I could reiterate everything for you, but here are the basics: we talked about some of Smitten's business and how money makes him nervous. All he says is, "I hate money." I suggested that maybe he doesn't really hate money but rather how some people act about it. People owe Smitten money but he's afraid to ask for it. We talked about him getting a good personal assistant to take care of that stuff for him- I said I was an excellent personal assistant, but he and I would just be feeling each other up all the time. He said he'd have to get someone ugly.

Ha.

And we also talked about my health, which is still a puzzle for him. I, of course, was trying to figure out what I should do to change it, so I could get healthy, so I can get kissed. Smitten told me to just let go of all of that. He believes his treatment will help me. And basically he told me, "You're gonna get kissed. You just won't expect it." So now I feel like maybe I've put too much pressure on him, but oh well. At least I got an assurance that it will happen. Smitten doesn't lie.

He might actually get here when I'm back, too...

After all that, I went and met Bethany for dinner, which we usually do on Monday nights. Then I worked. Then went to Bethany's briefly. My brother Kevin called. He may possibly be in love with his ex-girlfriend from 16 years ago. I hope for his sake it works out.

There's more to tell, but I have to sleep.

Love,
Duck

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