Dear Diary,

Hmm. Why haven't I been updating? I dunno.

Probably because on Tuesday I was flying... it was a long ass day. Yesterday I tried to recover, but didn't do much because I had cramps. I think I sat in front of the computer way too long also...

Sad, sad.

I was also cranky. Bethany came and watered my plants while I was away, which is a great thing for a friend to do, especially considering the distance she had to go to do it. She also brought over some of Howard's plants, since they weren't getting enough sunlight at her house.

That is all fine but I didn't much care for how she moved my plants around. As you know I am sensitive about my house and I don't mind some people being here, but I can't help being sensitive to people using/moving stuff without asking. Aside from eating most of the food in the fridge (which I actually don't mind), she also must have used my back massager and just left it on the living room floor, which was odd. I was wondering how she found it in the first place, like maybe she was wandering around looking for things to do.

Only slightly unsettling, like I said I know I am weird and sensitive about it, and I have to get over it. I know it comes from being totally controlled and invaded, and feeling like this is my space and it is an extension of me.

In any case, I'm thinking perhaps that, plus the fact that I had cramps gave me a very short attention span with Bethany yesterday. Sometimes we get along swimmingly, but sometimes I am just not up to it, and need a little break. Like Bethany is either having a breakdown (which she has often), or complaining but not doing anything (which I do too and will totally own it, but sometimes I just can't tolerate hers), OR she wants to tell me something but the way she tells it takes forever to get to the point, and I am just feeling impatient. So it was one of those days.

I did go meet with my colleague and tap on some issues, but it felt like we didn't get very far very fast. It exhausted me and then I came home. I wanted to go to bed right away, so I turned my phone off at midnight. But then I couldn't sleep, and rolled around quite a bit, and got up at 1am and did some work and watched some episodes of The L Word. Then I finally went to sleep.

Hmm. No word from Smitten. We played phone tag a bit, but he is not the best call-back person. I don't know if he is busy and distracted, or doesn't care, or is like me and he tries to play it cool... I am feeling disappointed again as far as he is concerned. I called him on Sunday, no answer, I didn't leave a message. I called on Monday and left a message. Tuesday morning he called me early, but I was sleeping and he left me a VM. I called him back on Tuesday, left a voicemail- no call back from him on Tuesday or Wednesday.

It's frustrating but I guess his money is where his mouth is. If he wanted something to happen, he would make it happen, right? Keep in mind also that at first glance this person was not attractive to me and sometimes he still isn't, in some ways. It just adds to the frustration and makes me think it's just another part of my addiction.

And the other aspect is I want the acupuncture... so... I feel like I have to call him or be connected to him-- which leads us to seeing each other where there is a spark and he is flirtatious and nothing ever happens except I might get get felt up.

Stacey suggested I just get the acupuncture and leave. I have been thinking that too, to not play into the flirting or respond to it. If it doesn't lead anywhere, what's the point?

Anyhow I have a lot to do, so I guess I'll get on that.

Love,
Duck

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