SATURDAY - Spent the day with Emily. I had slept over the night before, was up until well past 3am while Emily snored away. Spent a large part of the morning hanging out in our pajamas, talking to Emily's cousin. I spoke with Stacey a bit, and she's chosen her tickets for travel. Eventually Emily treated me to a pedicure, then a bit later we went to dinner with her cousin. It was a really fancy restaurant- Emily paid for the meal.

Emily is having problems with Mr G- basically the same problems they've been having for some time. She wants to move forward and figure out a way they can live together. He basically just likes things the way they are- they see each other every other week, have sex and whatever. Emily is upset, and keeps asking me what she should do, but it all seems rather obvious. Mr G doesn't want anything to change, so nothing changes. I can't really offer a solution to Emily, but we went round and round and talked about it and how she feels for quite a while. I know that eventually she will either get sick of it and move on, or she will keep on doing this for years and years.

SUNDAY- I'd gotten home very late on Saturday without calling Jerry as planned. I sent him a text that said I would call him at 11am, and I set my alarm. When I awoke, there was a text from Jerry saying that he was tired because he'd spent all of the day before entertaining guests from out of town, and could we take a raincheck? Well I said sure, what else could I say. I was a bit disappointed, and called Elliot, who had left me a message the night before. I was being lazy and yawning and asked jokingly, "Will you make me breakfast?" "Yes," he said, "I want to make you breakfast. I'm coming over." I warned him that my place was a mess, but he said it didn't matter, and I should just chill and he would be there soon.

I figured it would take Elliot about an hour to come over, so I cleaned the house anyway- just putting clothes away, cleaning the bathroom, and hiding my vibrator, haha. It all looked good, and I lay back down. But I was waiting and waiting, and I called him. He told me he was at the grocery store, because he didn't have all the ingredients he needed. So I waited another two hours. It took him a REALLY long time to get here, and I was starving!

Finally he came and started cooking up bacon, eggs, greens and cheese, and I made toast. Wheat-free and cow dairy free everything... we had a big mound of breakfast on our plates. It was fun to eat and then we lay on the couch and snuggled and watched the rest of one of my episodes of The L Word. I'm only on the second season and Elliot was unfamiliar with it, so I had to fill him in on the characters and what was happening. Then he waited while I took a shower, and accompanied me a ways on the bus toward Emily's.

Elliot also brought me a gift - a card, a candle and a little stack of cards with affirmations on them. It's weird because sometimes Elliot can be such a dick, and other times he will just show up and give a person a present.

Emily and her cousin were hanging out and her cousin was cooking. Even though I felt full of breakfast, still, I ate some of the cousin's food... we just hung out and watched TV, and then I went home....

MONDAY- Stayed up too late once again, and felt cruddy all day. Watched a DVD for most of the day. Started feeling really sad about Stacey's brother's passing away... I can't imagine not seeing him at the holidays. I was just feeling really bad. He came up on my FB, and I noticed that people have been posting nice things on his page.

I went to the park and lay on a bench and watched the clouds. I called Red, but he was all very logical about everything as he is wont to do. I just realized that I needed to talk to somebody who could come from their heart, not break it down in their mind... Finally I called B. He usually does not go out on Mondays because he works early days for the first three days of the week. But he could hear that I was upset, and asked if he should come and get me. Yes, I said, and he was on his way.

When he got here, he gave me a big hug. I was getting ready to go, and I wondering if I should take my phone with me to the restaurant. Nah, B was saying, not unless you want to be bothered. Just then the phone rang... it was a blocked number, but since things have been so crazy with Andy's death, I just decided to pick up.

At first I couldn't even tell who it was, he said, "Hey, baby." Who is this? "It's your baby." What? I can't really hear you. Who is this? "It's Smitten-baby." He sounded so soft, and tired and different. We talked a little bit, I told him what was going on, and he said he was sorry... very sweet and supportive. He also said he was flying directly back to his home state, because a woman that has been like a mother to him is in the hospital. So no sleepover? I asked. "Well," he said, "I'll probably be coming back... because I want to do things... in the middle of the night."

Haha. That sweet Smitten. I told him I was sad about Andy dying and that B was taking me out to make me feel better. "Nothing a cheeseburger can't fix," he said.

B and I had a nice dinner... he listened to me talk about Andy for awhile, and we also talked about Smitten. I'm trying to figure out what's going on with him, what he wants... Emily pointed out that a guy that went through all the trouble of asking someone to get blood tests, doesn't seem like a person who wants to use me for sex... I don't know... both B and Emily seem to think that if he was just using me, something more sexual would have happened already- the facts are, he tells me he likes me, he took a long time to kiss me, he seems cautious and a little scared. Still I know this doesn't necessarily mean that he wants a committed relationship, right? As B pointed out, he good just be looking for an arrangement like Mr G has with Emily- and I don't want that.

What I would like more of- connection by phone. B says I should ask for it. It's not unreasonable to want more connection with a guy who obviously wants to sleep with me. B is a good watchdog for me because he encourages me not to settle. I guess there is no harm in asking for what I want now, because if he's not interested in giving it to me, it means that he is not the right guy for me.

Nothing a cheeseburger can't fix.

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