cosmic thing [ 2009-08-06, 2:10 a.m. ]

Diary,

I am so f*'in tired... what can I say. I think I have to get some medication.

I just couldn't really get myself together today, and somehow I end up not eating till 3pm, and leaving the house later than I want to. I didn't see Emily today, but, she didn't call me either. I talked to Stacey, and she is still in the midst of family drama. It tires me out too...

I was online and had my Skype on. I still can't tell if Smitten's online, but he must be able to see me, because he wrote me a message that he was on a work call and couldn't talk. Ok. That boy is always busy. I don't expect any miracles. He found out that a friend of his also passed away, and I know he is bummed about it. I called him yesterday to see how he was, and if he went to the hospital to see his "mom", but he didn't call back. See, that is the behavior that makes me nuts. I just don't know anymore, so I shall stop trying. He said he would get back here to be with me, but I tell myself I shouldn't be surprised or upset if that doesn't happen. He might just forget.

I went to work, which was depressing because it is so slow. I gave it my all though- what more is there to do?

A friend of mine said that it's a cosmic thing and things really won't be clear until September... well I have definitely been feeling like crap for many months. Somehow too this hasn't even felt like summer. I know I was depressed last year about this time, but now... I don't even feel like I ever got revved up about anything. I really have to settle this thing with my health, because I notice I start to feel very irritated at night. I know it's either hormones or my liver or something... gah.

Hopefully, a happier update tomorrow.

Love,
Duck

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