Dear Diary,

Today was much in the same vein as yesterday. I feel that I may be wasting away my whole summer- I dunno. Perhaps it's true. I just feel physically bad, as well as emotionally bad.

As usual I waited till the last minute to eat and shower. I thought for sure I'd be late for work, but I was there with five minutes to spare. Work was good- I like it, I like being busy, so I have nothing to complain about in that arena. I just wish there was more of it, and I was making tons of money. I wish I would get out of my own way.

I thought about calling Smitten on the way to work, but figured I would just be disappointed. I also worry about being overbearing. It's true that I called him on Tuesday and he didn't call back. And also there was a little 'thing' with Skype where he saw me online and said he was busy on a work call- but that was his initiation also. But, on the other hand, he too has lost a friend recently and I think, what's wrong with checking in to see how someone is feeling... but then I worry about it so much and freak myself out and I didn't call him. Huh.

Instead I decided to go right home after work. Bethany was disappointed, but I told her that I really don't have the funds to go out to eat, and I know that's what we'd end up doing. Then without thinking about it, I dialed Smitten's number on the way home- oops... too late, phone was ringing. Surprisingly, he picked up, with a soft, "hi." He sounded very much like he did when he called me on Monday- tired and gentle.

ME: "Are you okay?"

HIM: "Really tired."

ME: "Do you want to go to sleep? Call me tomorrow."

HIM: "Okay I will, goodnight baby. Thanks for calling, it was good to hear your voice."

And so forth. So maybe, I am too much in my head and worrying... and maybe this guy isn't very good at calling back, and I just have to call him until he picks up the phone, and then he is willing to talk.

Now I'm in bed, watching the L word, and I should go to sleep at a decent hour.

Bah.

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