Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was feeling like complete and total crap because I hadn't gotten enough sleep. It took me forever to get anything done on the computer and I notice as soon as I have to do something promotional like send an email or put the word out on something that I go into EXTREME resistance. It's a weird feeling but almost like part of me doesn't want to succeed... fucking frustrating. My dizzy spell was coming back and I felt sick and angry at myself.

Steffy and I were supposed to work on another project but when I talked to her she reported feeling lousy too. So it was decided that I would just leave my work for awhile and go to her place and bring a movie. I also brought a large bar of chocolate with me... Steffy was so appreciative of me trekking over to her place that she bought me dinner, so that was our night. We ate, bundled up in blankets and pillows and watched a movie!

When I got home I thought, well let me just do a bit of work, and I ended up staying up till almost 4:30 (again!) working on my website, notices and answering about 70 emails. Oddly enough I noticed there were a lot of emails from interested parties that are opportunities to make money, I must have read them on my phone or something and NEVER answered them... which is classic me... if I don't know the answer in the moment then I don't say anything at all... and... well... the emails just pile up and go unanswered and people must think I am so LAME, because that is lame... talk about self-sabotage... I'm purposefully not responding to people who want to give me money!!

At any rate I took care of all that and collapsed into bed. Slept off and on till almost 2pm. My alarm was set but I'm pretty sure I turned it off in my sleep and said, forget about it. I do have a few responses and leads in my emails now, so maybe that hard work paid off... !

I have hope.

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