Dear Diary,

I don't feel like I have much to say, but the last entry I wrote was kind of depressing. So I felt like I should keep things moving and put something else here.

What to say? I am at Nia and Lee's now. So far all is well. I very nearly missed my flight, because I was trying to get to the airport the cheap way, but I ended up having to take a taxi anyway. I am a dork.

And... I don't know. I thought business was better. But now I'm not sure.

I resisted the urge to call Smitten. I am doing so well with that! Nope, I haven't called him at all.

Life is sad when that is one of my main accomplishments, but considering how much trouble I get myself into with guys, I guess every little victory should be celebrated.

I'm also doing very well on my gluten free diet, of which I am proud. I know I have to cut down on sugar, still, but I figure one thing at a time. Sadly there are many things that are gluten free but still made with white processed sugar. Hmm.

I can't remember if I mentioned that I *might* be a bit thinner. I was feeling my leg the other day and I thought to myself, I can't be sure, but I think my ass and legs are smaller. It's hard to tell, but my pants might be fitting the tiniest bit better. I wouldn't be surprised if it was only cutting out wheat, because one of my colleagues said he lost 13 lbs after going gluten free. And the same thing happened to me last time- I became very svelte indeed when I stopped eating gluten and sugar. I would love to be that thin again... it is kind of a goal for me, but really I know it is a one day at a time kind of thing. I have to monitor myself and also how I feel because if I get anxious or overwhelmed by emotion I will eat- a tube of cookie dough or a can of frosting or what have you... so it is a slow process of righting myself.

I often worry too about developing diabetes from my past eating disorder and concerned that many years of bingeing on pure sugar has really put my body out of whack. I might actually be too afraid to go to the doctor and get tested for that, to tell you the truth. But so far the troubles that I have seem to point to adrenal exhaustion and, I feel like if I can just take care of the basics- sleep, good food, a moderate amount of exercise (which I already have as I do a ton of walking every day- I realize what I call moderate exercise is actually more exercise than the average American gets) then I will be in better shape to tackle these other things and well... then I will have the confidence to get tested.

Bethany has already called me three times since I left. She met some guy and they have been having sex. Unlike me Bethany is somehow capable of casual sex- maybe cause she's older? I dunno. And usually it's with someone she knows and they will do it every now and then and no big deal. But she has actually been mentioning this guy quite a bit and I think it might turn into some kind of more dramatic situation, we will have to wait and see.

Also I talked to Emily today. She is really miserable and wants to take a leave of absence from her job. She sounds super depressed... apparently she will go and live with Mr. G in his country for a few months. Well even though I don't approve of the idea of Mr. G, I am not of the belief that people have to suffer in their work. She will be okay. She's a smart woman and she will find something to do...

And, oddly enough, my commas are back. Whatever wasn't working became unstuck. I'm hoping it's kind of a metaphor for my life.

Love,
Duck

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