Dear Diary,

Currently on the way home from the parents'. All in all, a good trip. Shows me I have to go back to my anger release too. I will pretty much do anything I can to get out of that!

Forgot to mention the eye-rolling (bordering on ridicule) I was subjected to by my cousin's wife.

There is a history of conflict between my cousin's wife and my sister and I. My cousin met this girl when he was young, maybe still a teenager. They lived together for five years and then got married, they now have three kids. But right from the beginning, Beada wanted to put herself in the middle of everything- she was always there ready to 'help' at all the family dinners- making a big show of taking over the salad or making the desserts. It was less like she was gently easing into the family and more like she was working hard to violently to insert herself there. She started yelling at, and trying to discipline, my aunt's kids. She had the nerve to announce to my mother that when my mother passed away, Beada wanted the teacups my grandmother had left to my mother. Hello? My mother has three daughters that she might like to pass those along to.

Over the years Beada's domineering ways also crushed my cousin's spirit. He actually used to be my favorite cousin when I was young- we are only a year apart- and he was playful, quick, and fun. Eventually he became sullen, overweight and quiet- Beada took up all the space with her do-gooder overfunctioning and complaining at family gatherings while cousin slunk off to zone out in front of the TV.

And for some reason, Beada just doesn't like my sisters and me. It's palpable in her looks and behaviors, and many times she has made nasty remarks. One of my theories is that Beada is jealous- my sisters and I all went to college and moved out of town. All three of us basically work for ourselves. My sister Sichelle has a good guy in her life and after a few failed attempts, Delia has a good husband too. I am single but I often think that Beada fantasizes that I have some kind of "S3x and the C!Ty" lifestyle, where I come and go as I please, travel around and don't owe anybody anything (well it's almost like that, but I don't really have the money or the shoes). In any case, it's not my fault that Beada chose to settle down and get married and have three kids and buy a house and a dog and crush her husband's spirit so he now has no motivation and all he wants to do is look at the television instead of her big face which is always yelling at his big face... She made her own life, I made mine!

So last night when I refused a piece of pie, my aunt asked me why and I told her I'm not eating gluten. I know that everybody in the family always thinks, "Oh no, here we go again," whenever I say something like that because I'm always giving up something- sugar, dairy, meat, whatever. So they never take me seriously and just believe it's one of my fads and that I'll change my mind in a week.

So my aunt asks me why, I tell her because 1, wheat makes me bloated. I'm surprised at how many people kind of scoff at that response and act like that's not a good reason to give up wheat. Like it's NATURAL and okay to be bloated- uh, no! Bloated means there is something wrong with your body, and in most gluten-allergy cases it is inflammation of the tissues which means everything, i.e. your organs are IRRITATED so most likely they are not functioning properly and your immune system is most likely overloaded from trying to heal CONSTANT inflammation, so you are exhausted and don't feel well, don't sleep well, and don't digest well. In any case, that response usually elicits an annoyed response from wheat-eaters because you will not consume their bread or cookies or what have you, like I am purposefully inconveniencing them by having a "dietary issue". I could hear Beada's sigh from across the room. I also told my aunt that it helped my teeth, because in 07 if you recall I had to pay about $2000 to get a dental procedure to try to re-mineralize my teeth so they would not fall out of my head. And after just a few months of not eating wheat the dental people remarked on a significant difference in the strength of my teeth. And Beada had to say, "Yeah but was that after you had the procedure?" trying to infer, of course, that going gluten-free had nothing to do with it, and it was all in my head. But I ignored her and told my aunt, "I also notice that my menstrual cramps are less severe when I don't eat wheat, " (there! argue with that, fuckface!), "and, whenever I stop eating it I lose like, thirteen pounds."

That usually shuts Beada up because she is a heavy girl, as are most of the women in my family, and one of the things those women will take seriously is the subject of weight. But I know the whole time Beada was rolling her eyes and making faces behind me about the whole subject. Fine, beyotch, you have your life of miserable righteousness and I'll have mine... I'm just glad I don't have yours!

Fuckface.

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