Dear Diary,

Back again- I'm being such a good updater!

Last night after I got home, I was feeling really open and good from my time with Shelby. I thought about calling him, but then worried if that was being needy or against the rules. I had to email him something anyway so I did, and just decided to call him.

He picked up and I just thanked him for a wonderful experience. It was REALLY good for me to have that time with him, to say what I felt and have a boundary and all that stuff. I was glad I called because he had just been responding to my email right before I called. What he wrote on email was not the kind of words on the phone, and I understand everybody is not a writer. I realized if I had read what he wrote, I might have thought he was being short with me. But the gratitude he expressed on the phone was deep and sweet.

I told him the next time I am coming for Serena's class, and also that I will be staying longer because I have an opportunity to work while I'll be there. It's kind of a leap, but I'm hopeful that I can stay there for a few weeks, because it gets tough always going back and forth, back and forth! In any case I had mentioned about my extended stay and Shelby expressed that we should set up some time to be together. He told me to call him in a week or so and let me know how much time I wanted to spend. I made the point that I will actually be the person who's away from home, with perhaps more free time and less obligations, while he's the one with work and a routine and whatnot. I kind of get the feeling that Shelby wants things but he does not want to ask for them, so he was trying to leave it in my court. But I told him, "Listen, I'm having a really good time, and I like to have a good time, so I'm letting you know I'm open to doing this sort of thing A LOT. So I'll let that be a factor in your decision making about proposing how much time you want to spend together."

Shelby said that well it certainly seemed I had his number about the whole asking for what he wants kind of thing. So it's good practice for him. When I notice stuff like that I am putting him in the position of being the man and I am not caretaking him in that way. This is, after all, a practice relationship, and it's good not to get in the habit of overfunctioning to make up for a man's challenges. I suppose my work is to tell the truth, all the time, about my boundaries. So far so good.

So overall I am feeling good. Emily said I am looking lighter, energetically lighter as well as physically skinnier. How about that? I am still too afraid to try on any of my jeans though.

No word, mail, or call from M... but maybe nothing will come at all.

Who knows. Thanks to everyone who was so supportive about me sending my package.

Love,
Duck

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