Dear Diary,

My heart was flying because I was on my way to work and Ex called me back. He sounded happy to talk to me, asked me the usual questions- how is my family, my holidays, work. He asked me if I was seeing anybody, and when I said no he seemed surprised- said he figured I'd be married or something, with a kid. He asked me why I was single. I had no good response to that, and he just laughed at me. I don't know why people ask other people WHY they are single. I can't imagine what kind of logical answer they would be expecting. I'm sure most single people are pretty frustrated and wondering why they are single most of the time anyway, unless they are people like Ex, who might say he's too fucked up or women are too complicated (I didn't find out if he was seeing anyone, by the way). Asking single people that question is more that likely poking at fresh wounds, bringing to mind recent heartaches and shitty dates and self-doubt and all the rest. It's a puzzler with no good answer, really, so I think it's a question best avoided.

In any case, our brief conversation got cut short because I was on my way to work and my bus was headed into a tunnel. I asked Ex if I could call him after work, which he said was fine, but when I called him at 10pm he didn't pick up. I simply wrote him a text telling him to call me sometime, and to come visit or I would meet with him in our hometown in the spring.

I know I was worried but the thing I have to remember about Ex is that he's on his own timetable- he gets around to things when he's ready. So now he has my number, knows I want to see him, and, if it's any draw at all, he knows I'm single. I just have to be patient- I'll see him at the right time.

That is a concept I've been soothing myself with for some time... the right time. I am always in a hurry especially when it comes to relationships, wanting to figure out how the other person feels, get the show on the road and let's go sort of thing. But if anything with men you have to understand that their timing is different. And you have to believe them when they say they don't want a relationship, don't love you, or won't be tied down. Because they will still have sex with you after they say that, but they will feel like they told you the truth so it should come as no surprise that after sex they still don't love you, want a relationship, or to be tied down. This I've learned, no doubt.

So, there were a few times in the span of our knowing each other, that Ex and I have fooled around heavily, doing just about every act we could think of except for the coup de gras with our actual respective boy and girl parts. Because you know me and my slippery slope of S-E-X. That seems to meld me into another person like... I dunno. Like two things that are really stuck together that absolutely shouldn't be stuck together..

Tonight I went to work, called Ex, went to Bethany's and ate and we watched a movie. Although I feel that I've missed my sleep window now, I should have insisted on going to bed closer to midnight when I was longing for the film to be over so I could shut my eyes.

Meanwhile I should mention that I seem to have lost my super. He's disappeared! Apparently he had a bit of an accident, but I didn't know that until I called his daughter, and she told me he was recuperating from a sprain. Ok. Thanks for letting everyone in the building know! She gave me a number of the rehabilitation center he was staying in, I talked to him once but now no one answers at that number.

I don't know who to give the rent to... and I think his brother may have come in the other day and turned down the heat for the building, because I've felt a slight chill in the past couple of days. Really, the whole thing is quite a shoddy operation. There are no signs or numbers of how to reach this guy. Someone who doesn't even live in the building is making decisions about the heat- and now it's chilly. What the fuck.

Just finished reading "Darkly Dreaming Dexter", the book the Dexter series was based on. I have to say the television series is better than the book (which in my experience is rare). Character development, storyline, suspense, all better in the show. Bravo!

Well, that might be enough for tonight.

Later!

Duck

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