Okay so... not feeling so well today. Yesterday I had the usual cramps and nausea, but managed to go to the store, and eat something.

For some reason I feel compelled to totally purge my house, at the same time I'm packing to go work for a month. It's not working, especially when I am dealing with physical discomfort.

I did however go through a box of stuff. Stuff that's just been sitting there, old photos, which I will keep, old letters. Some from Frank, a lot of the cards and things he sent me which I just tossed away. What is the use of keeping them? I could not, however, throw away any of the poetry he wrote me. The man was a poet, that is for sure, and he had beautiful words sometimes. I figure getting rid of some is better than holding onto everything, and maybe in another six years I'll go through it again and toss away. Some things I would look at and barely read and save anyway. Just a light skimming and packing away, into a smaller box.

At some point I might organize the photos and put them in an album. Kind of sad that no one makes photos so much anymore- they are all on computer. But I did get some joy out of going through those pics.

So then I was feeling pretty tired and starting to have cramps too. I took some medication and a hot bath. They were still bothersome so I took more medication. I tried to lie down with my heating pad but the cramps got worse and worse, plus I was nauseous as hell. I could not lie down because it was just too painful, I felt like I had to sit on the toilet (sorry if TMI). But I was so nauseous that I had to have my head between my legs, which hurt my abdomen, but if I sat up I felt like I was going to lose it. I finally did throw up, and was feeling awful. I just wanted some help, for the pain to stop, for something, I don't know, someone, to help me. This is the only bad thing about living alone, really, to be sick alone, incapacitated. I crawled to the phone and called Callie, who kind of talked me down. There was nothing anyone could do- I suppose I could have called B or Bethany but it was about 2:30 in the morning, and if either of them had answered their phones, it would have taken an hour to get here... and then what? They would be in my super messy apartment with me lying on the floor and??? I don't think you can take someone to the hospital for cramps, even if they are that bad.

So finally it all subsided and I could relax. I hung up with Callie and even though I couldn't fall asleep right away, I was just happy that I was no longer in pain. What a night.

My alarm went off but I slept an extra hour cause I was so damn tired. I have slight cramps today but also still nauseous so I'm kind of resistant to eating anything, but to take medication I have to eat something. Kind of a catch 22 there- what to do?

Not feeling so good.

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