the unexpected [ 2010-01-10, 1:51 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Let's talk about... the day (or two) I've been having.

First of all I got to B's earlier than everyone else. I asked right away if we could go to a drugstore, because I'd forgotten some, ah, girl things that I needed. Then B insisted we wait for his girlfriend to get there. Then when she got there it turns out she didn't really know where the store was. They were having a conversation about that and I just told B, "maybe you should just take me and it will be easier." I was losing my patience- I needed feminine products, people!

By the time we got to the store it was time to go pick up Howard and Bethany at the bus. So I never did have time to lie down. We all started preparing dinner and B ran to get John when his bus came in. We spent a good hour or two making dinner, a grand spread, and then ate- only I was still quite nauseous and couldn't really eat what I normally like to, so I opted for bland stuff.

After dinner we played cards and watched a movie, that was a lot of fun. B's girl was laughing her ass off and really enjoying the game. She does not usually hang with us so I think she was amused.

We went to bed late. I was sharing a room with Bethany and that girl can SNORE. Basically I woke up several times to her sawing wood, loud. Damn. I don't know how I got to be such a light sleeper, I don't think that was always the case. In the morning B came and I guess he was trying to wake me up gently but I guess I freaked out. I guess I never told him about the time I was attacked while I was sleeping, and as a result now I don't like people trying to wake me up that way. Yeah I could get really angry if I wanted to, about how for the rest of my life I have to tell every guy I ever share a bed with to be careful when he wakes me up, because I might wake up fighting. Geez. Anyway, poor B!

We got up and everyone helped to prepare a huge breakfast, another thing I couldn't really eat because I was feeling so very nauseous. B was nice and drew me a bath, but that didn't really make me feel any better. We packed all our stuff and got ready to go- Howard actually had the gall to ask B, "Should we do anything with the sheets and mattresses we used?" I turned and told Howard, "Go strip the sheets off the bed, fold the blankets and deflate the mattresses."

I mean really. Do you think somebody else wants to clean up after you? The chances are very slim that B wants you to leave two unmade beds up there! Duh.

In any case, I know I am just bitching now, but only because my day got stranger. I bid them all farewell, and got home at a fairly decent time. Trying to be as organized as possible, I worked on packing details. Then I went to work.

At work my client did something I totally did not see coming. Well, first of all I know he is phasing me out, that is actually not a surprise. But I think he is trying to let me down gently, because he said he was going to fan out his use of me even more (okay, no problem, I knew he wouldn't be there forever!), but he did say that he would like to see me socially as friends sometimes, maybe have dinner. I said that would be nice. I know he cares about me and probably does not want me to worry about money, but I am also aware that he doesn't really need me anymore. Plus we are kind of friends anyway, having shared a lot (both of us got dumped around the same time in 2007). I have been very supportive of him getting over that, and being brave enough to date (really I think he's only dated a couple of women).

In any case, he also looked me right in the eye and said, "Sometimes I think of what it would be like to be inside of you, and I was wondering if we might be able to put everything aside for one night and just, you know, be together."

Oh. My. God.

Really?

I swear Diary, I really did not think he was at all serious- I mean who seriously says shit like that? I almost laughed. But. He was serious.

And- the guy is not a pervert or anything. Like I said, he's practically a virgin. When I met him about 3 or 4 years ago, he'd only been with one woman, and he was terrified of being in a relationship or asking women out. Since I've known him, he's been working with all kinds of therapists on this problem, and he's only dated one other girl. Over time I have seen him work through the obstacles of being brave enough to talk to a pretty girl, or ask a woman out. He always told me these stories and even when it didn't work out I was very supportive, "well at least you tried." Now he has this fantasy, I think, that he is going to be a great lover of some kind, and he has become very brave (obviously) in asking women out.

So, he's not really perverted, just inexperienced. And I think he feels very close to me, because we've talked about sex, and love, and rejection and everything in between. But the guy is inexperienced, like a teenager, and man, was I shocked, because I just couldn't believe one human being would say such a thing to another. I took into account how inexperienced he is and how much courage it took him to ask that question (I can just picture him talking to his therapist about it right now) and I was so bowled over I just said, "I'll have to think about that." Because really, it did boggle my brain. Very much so. Really.

I left work kind of feeling dizzy and checking my reality. Hah.

I got all the way home and my plan was to take my client's check and deposit it right away, so I would have money to pay February's rent. So I went to the branch of my bank that's in my neighborhood (the other day I got a temporary debit card for just this purpose) and.... the ATMs were out of order. Both of them. And it was 11:30 at night. What the fuck.

I happened to be on the phone with B at the time, and I was really stumped about what to do. And wouldn't it just FIGURE that the ONE TIME I wanted to do something like this- make a deposit in the middle of the night- BOTH ATMs are out of order? WTF?????

So first B said I could sign my big fat check and send it to him and he would deposit it for me. But I was a little nervous about sending a signed check through the mail- basically anyone who got their hands on it could cash it. Besides, B is going away for two weeks so he couldn't do it anyway.

Then we decided I would go to another branch and deposit it. I called a cab, because it was late and the buses would have taken forever. So I spent twenty bucks to go to another branch and deposit it. I never did it before, and I hope I did it correctly. Basically I put the check in the envelope, signed and with my account number on the back. My name and account number on the envelope. I didn't put a deposit slip in there because I wasn't really sure if I was supposed to. Hopefully that money will just end up in my account. Won't it?

In any case it's been one hell of a day. I need to be wary of any obstacles because I've already learned to expect the unexpected.

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