Dear Diary,

Another day, another dollar...

My shift here is almost done, as of tomorrow. I am glad, but also a little tentative about going to stay with Stacey... her house, and life, is kind of a mess...

I like it here with Nia and Lee because, although they have a rambunctious toddler, I have my own room, and in the past two weeks I've been here I've kind of spread my stuff out... at Stacey's house, I used to be able to use the guest room, but now Stacey's husband has taken that room to be his own, and so I have to sleep in Stacey's bed with her. This means being adjacent to her kid's room, and he doesn't really sleep at all. Also there is no safe haven for my stuff- it's a little irritating... the house itself is usually trashed, because Stacey hates her life, and her husband. He is a silent, brooding alcoholic who never talks about anything, and refuses to give her a divorce, so she is passive aggressive and never cleans the house, or fills the car with gas. Interesting life, heh?

In any case, I think it's a bit more chaotic there than here...

I finished my presentations here and well, I just feel like I was challenged the whole time I was here. Kind of tough. Maybe people here are not as agreeable as where I come from.

I haven't spoken to Shelby, but I'm thinking about calling him tonight. I know he has a big weekend planned, and I'm feeling like we should talk before that gets started. I still feel really bad about Saturday- although I have no idea how he feels about it. But I might as well just own up to my own behavior.

I found myself thinking about M this morning, I'm not sure but I may have had a dream about him. It's an odd situation all over... I did send him that card around thanksgiving, and mailed his things back to him after that. I haven't heard a peep from him- at all... isn't that weird? I can't think of why that is, unless he is traveling, or moved, and hasn't received the card for whatever reason, or it didn't make it, and therefore he just got the box with no letter and doesn't get that I want my stuff back? Who knows. Or he could suddenly just decide to be an asshole and ignore me, who knows...

Part of me wants to call right now, but I feel I should settle things with Shelby first... it might be good to have some kind of male support if I am going to interact with M at all. Just a little pre-planning for myself. I know I can have the tendency to decide to do something, like call a guy, then I do and I regret doing it, and go into some kind of terrible spiral about it. Gah.

I'm kind of sick of my own ridiculous imagination and obsession. Have I mentioned that?

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