Dear Diary,

You might think I'm a terrible person after I write this, but I'm going to write it anyway...

I am dang tired. I packed up all my stuff and left Nia and Lee's yesterday morning. Stacey came and got me, but rather than going back to her place, which I thought was the original plan, we were off to a playdate for her kid. Which is okay, but I found out that Stacey's version of playdate is to entertain her kid constantly.

This to me is a problem and I admit (as I have admitted in the past) that I have a lot of judgment about it. For one, I have studied enough childhood development to know that you cannot cater to your child's every whim and desire, because then you are not teaching your child about the world. There are age-appropriate boundaries to be paid attention to, limits to be set, and consideration for others to be taught.

Stacey's 5 year old basically rules the whole house. He will not sit at the table and eat- they follow him around while he is playing and shovel food into his mouth- he's five! He can hold his own fork! He tells people where to sit, what to eat, and how to play with him. No amount of another person's individuality is tolerated. If you do something he doesn't like, he screams, and his parents change their behavior to fix it. He literally tells his parents when to play with him and when they are "allowed" to do the dishes. If he doesn't want to sleep in his own bed, he sleeps in his mother's bed. He refuses to take a nap, so he is cranky for the latter half of EVERY DAY. So sometimes his parents will take him for a drive, he falls asleep in the car, and then Stacey will sit in the car for hours while he sleeps- because this is easier than actually making the kid lie down and take a nap?

I can understand that it's hard. I know it must be the worst thing in the world to hear your own child cry. But really, it is not fair to the kid to set him up like this. Stacey wonders why her child isn't really growing and is the smallest kid in the class- maybe because he hardly eats, and doesn't sleep enough? This is the thing- these limits are for a child's own good, and eventually teach him to take care of himself. Also, what happens when he gets out into the world, and discovers that he can't always have things the way he wants them? He can't tell people where and how to sit or stand or talk, he will have to cooperate in school and learn that others are individuals too.

So at the playdate I watched as Stacey hunted for what her kid wanted- she was digging through mounds of toys looking for pieces to a toy- but really- I would have suggested to the boy to look for the pieces he wanted (this was never suggested nor attempted- basically he announced, "Mommy, I need this piece. And this piece."), and then if he needed help, a grown-up could have helped him. So I feel that my friend is also robbing her son of his ability to learn how to do things himself.

And, of course, the kid didn't get this way himself. That is the worst part. His parents will ask, "Can I go do the dishes now?" and he will say, "No! I want you to play with me!" And they obey. They never say things like, "Okay, in 10 minutes we're going to sit down and have lunch. So you can play for a bit longer then we're going to sit at the table and eat." The are both so afraid of upsetting him that they are more like his servants than his parents. He needs constant entertainment, it seems even though he has bucketloads of toys (by the way everytime they go to a store they buy him whatever he wants).

Okay. So it's your kid right? Fine and dandy. Raise him however you want. But don't think that I'M going to interact with him that way. This morning 5YO and I had an argument because he didn't like the way the couch pillow looked as I was sitting on it. I said, it's okay, I'm sitting here and I'm comfortable. You can have it on your side how you like. But he screamed and insisted that he didn't like it. (Now I know this is common in 2-3 year olds to like things their way, but eventually kids learn we are all separate people and we like things different. I have never seen this behavior in an older child quite like this). It's ridiculous.

Also I basically told Stacey not to ask me to babysit because I am just coming off a 3 week stint of babysitting, and I am tired. I am a single gal and not used to spending so much time with kids. And just this morning I got up, 5YO wants to play so I'm playing a little with him, and Stacey names 8 things I could do with him, or places to take him (including one place I had mentioned wanting to go on my own), not including daddy, and I just look at her... duh. I don't want to babysit! Your kid is great and I'll play with him for awhile but I do not want to be on call for 6 or 8 hrs!

I know, I am grateful for the bed they have given me and everything else, but it is a little much, the kid thing. And it's not even the kid himself, it's the whole dynamic in the house that makes me uncomfortable... I have my judgments, but I also don't want to be bossed around by a five year old.

It's just the way I am.

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