#2

Dear Diary,

Well it is nice to know that at least one person (Beanie) does not think I am an ass for writing what I did. Judging my friends, and their kid, feels terrible indeed, but I have to vent somewhere!

In any case I promised 5YO I would play with him a bit more and I did, but I realized I just don't have FUN with him, which is rare for me. He is so bossy that it is impossible to have fun.

I announced that I wanted to go for a walk by myself, and I left the house. I'm not really sure how long I was gone, but it was at least an hour, if not more. It's been days and days and days since I've had that much time alone, much less been outside, due to rain... so today the sun was shining, I walked on the main streets and looked at clothes, tried some things on but didn't LOVE anything, so I bought two greeting cards and that was it. I enjoyed looking in all the fancy stores though. I would like very much to lose 10 pounds, by the way. That's a thought.

In any case I was back home in time for dinner, which Stacey had invited two other families with kids to, so that was actually a relief because 5YO had a friend to play with, and it was busy. But at one point I realized no one was really talking to me, so I just went into 5YO's room and made a bunch of phone calls. By the time I came out everyone had left. Maybe seemed a bit rude, but what to do?

Then I helped Stacey's hubby with the dishes, and Stacey and I watched SATC. One episode with Trey and his mother, and how he was overly attached to her- and Stacey actually made a remark about how she needed to be careful or 5YO would end up like Trey. So really, she has the concept that she is overly connected with her kid (she has a closer relationship to him than with her husband, which every psychology student knows is dangerous), and she makes jokes about it, but does nothing to stop it... there is a way she knows that she is indulging him and having no boundaries... but Stacey has this destructive personality I think, where she wants the worst thing to happen... in her relationships, in her family, in her life. She is in love with the drama.

Meanwhile... I also found out (via Stacey) that Kelly is not at all using her head. Remember late last summer, when I went home for Andy's funeral, and Kelly had found out that her bf of 13 years had been cheating on her? And they broke up and all he could say, over and over again, was that he wanted the house? Obviously he does not love Kelly and all his attempts at relationship were minimal...

Well now, I guess Kelly wants him back... and he insists that the only way he will come back is if she gives/sells him the house and his name is the ONLY name on the deed. She suggested that both their names be on it, but he insists that it needs to be in his name only, and "then he'll work on the relationship" with her. Does this sound fishy to anyone else?

I can't believe that Kelly is actually buying that load of horse shit. For real?

Wow. He must really love you Kelly, to want that house so bad... right?

Stacey even told Kelly outright, that it is OVER with the guy.... either sell him the house, or sell it to someone else, or keep it for yourself... but don't think that he is going to change, don't think that he is going to love you... but rather be prepared that before the ink is dry on that contract, he will kick your ass out.

And, I believe Kelly has not spoken a word about this to me because she knows I would say she is being an idiot. And there is some part of her that knows she is being an idiot, otherwise she wouldn't be scared to tell me. But just like Stacey is wrecking her kid's chances with some sense of awareness, Kelly is careening toward heartbreak, and monetary loss, with the same half-assed vision. The same way I should have known Smitten was not ready to have anything resembling a relationship and therefore was no. Damn. Good.

But, what can you do? One can really only give one's friends the room to make their own mistakes. And keep the proper distance so as not to get their shit all over them...

Right?

Hmm. I am excited because tomorrow is my nice big long date with Shelby... I have an appointment in the morning and meanwhile the family will take off so I will be alone during the day... then somehow find a way to get to Shelby... and we will be together till noon the next day, so... go, me.

:)

I have been having some crazy dreams, one that I was with my boyfriend from when I was 19, the one I dated for only 6 months and we broke up- well I was in a passionate relationship with him... and a bunch of dreams about my mom. One where I was pedaling a bike with all my female ancestors balanced on it (like those Chinese acrobats) and another where my mother was apologizing to me in such a dramatic way, that I finally told her to stop it.

Weird.

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