Dear Diary,

I'm putting off getting any work done, by deliberately avoiding my phone and email. Bad Duck, bad...

Okay I'll make a deal with myself and answer ten emails, I say...

Everyone suggests getting some kind of management or helper-type person, but we know I can't afford that! I really want to be out of debt; it would be so freeing. Some say I could remedy that problem by quitting school, but that is really not an option for me; oftentimes I feel this is what has kept me alive for the past three years. I know I'm in some kind of transitional phase right now, and those transitional phases are rough. Those plateaus of peace and happiness don't seem to last long for me, but I guess it's because my soul has a plan.

Last night a couple friends of Thomas and Gia's came over, a lesbian couple with their excitable puppy, and we hung out and lay around eating pears and chatting and joking. It was fun but I was soo tired.

No word from Shelby as of yet. I'm not panicked about it, but I do feel a little sad. I guess he is a source of comfort for me, but it's unrealistic. He has things to do as well as a real relationship to attend to. I know he was overloaded when I last saw him, and had to work on Friday and today. I also know that he is not responsible for my happiness, no one but myself has that job and when I start to feel low and long for someone it usually means it's high time that I got myself together and took care of myself in a more adequate way.

Well I am a bit horny too because it seems my recent interactions have stoked the old fires so at least we know I'm not dead, or anything.

It just feels like a lazy Sunday where I could do anything if I had the energy, but I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything at all. Oh poor Duckie... horny AND tired!

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