Dear Diary,

Woke again this morning still feeling exhausted, but took a shower and got ready to go. Stacey was building something for 5YO with Legos, which made no sense because he was already 15 minutes late for school and had no pants on. Stacey still had to take a shower and get ready, so I took over building the boat with Legos and using the same tactics I used with Nia and Lee's two year old- basically, continuously saying things like, "Put your socks on and then I'll help you attach the propeller." "Now let's put your pants on and then we'll finish the side." Even though 5YO whined and whined and fake-cried the whole time. He is such a stinker, and Stacey acts frustrated, but she created the monster because she doesn't offer any limits, time or otherwise. She caters his every whim, i.e. building a Lego boat when she should say it's time to get ready for school. She does not manage her own time or his time well, and this is what you get.

Eventually however, we were out the door and dropped the kid off at school. Stacey dropped me at the bus, but I was running late anyway and had to call David's office and say I was running late. David's sister, who is running his office now, was very irritated with me because I got off at the wrong stop and was running very late. She made it known that David's day would have to shift because of me... I was still so tired and overwhelmed and feeling fragile from the weekend, and I'm from out of town and made an honest mistake... I just felt shitty.

Luckily David was very gentle and loving to me, he told me to ignore his sister and it would be okay. He asked me some questions about my period and other things, took my pulse, did all that stuff. I had told him about my weekend, and the seminar, so I think he knew how sensitive I was feeling. I am really grateful for that. I was struggling with wondering if I should call Shelby or not. I came to the conclusion that there is Shelby The Practice Partner and Shelby The Workshop Facilitator, and I really needed help and support from Shelby The Workshop Facilitator. But I was afraid to call him because I didn't want to intrude on Shelby The Practice Partner- it occurs to me that I'm not really clear on what the rules are about how to interact on this level. Things are feeling rather enmeshed.

David insisted I call Shelby as the facilitator, but I was very resistant. I could tell David that Shelby and I were friends, but I cannot tell him about our real arrangement... so he doesn't really know the level of intimacy and enmeshment I am referring to.

I told David that I called Shelby and left him a message, but that was a lie. I just needed more time to figure out what to do.

David gave me some needles, and I got dozy but really didn't sleep. David didn't rush me and said I could sleep there if I wanted. Eventually I paid for some new pills, and got a ride back to the bus. I lugged all my stuff to my friend Al's house.

Al's place is pretty dirty and smells a bit funky (part of me just wants to dust and scrub every surface here), but it is quiet here and definitely less chaotic than Stacey's. I'm feeling very tired
and it's nice to just lie down and watch movies...

So that's that. I'm hoping that I sleep tonight, and can just get home easily and relax.

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