Smitten, John, etc - blah [ 2010-03-11, 12:01 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Today was an okay day. First of all this morning I was having a long involved dream with Smitten in it. It was definitely him, his energy... I can't remember much about it now, but... maybe we are just talking in the dreamworld or something. I think Jennifer Aniston might also have been there, and there was something about me being barefoot with grease on my feet.

In any case, then it was time to arise, wash some dishes so I could cook breakfast. Took a shower and got ready for work. Went to work. Okay. On the way there I was making several calls to confirm events for the next couple of weeks. I called John to double-check on something, and he was all weird. I asked him if he wanted to confirm for the tasks he signed up for, and he said he had been planning on it but now since our conversation last night he was feeling bad.

Now this was weird because- it seemed like we ended on a very good note last night and had gotten any confusion or miscommunication out of the way. But here is the picture I get when he said that- of a black hole imploding and trying to suck me into it. John is a drama queen, and my first intuition was that he was just trying to create some drama. Maybe because he still wants to believe that I have certain feelings or something... and he's upset because I'm refusing to agree with what he's telling me about me... I'm sorry John, but you just can't tell a person how they feel and expect them to agree with you. Each individual person gets to decide how they feel. And the truth is I don't feel the way he thinks I do- but I am sick of this drama part of him.

In the moment I just decided to focus on the task at hand, which was completing the call and letting John get back to work. So I said okay, I'll let you go. I am so not interested in the poor poor John show. To think the guy even wanted to have some kind of relationship with me, after one week of this shit I would want to wring his neck.

I spoke with Gia about it and she suggested that maybe he is sensing my frustration with that drama part of him, and he's just making up a story about what it might be, but he could accurately be sensing SOMETHING- and that is it. Okay, I said, and I wrote him an email saying if he wanted to talk some more I was available, and I had located a feeling in myself that maybe he was picking up on. So I will just tell him- this is what drives me nuts about you- you just fucking irritate me because you focus on the negative and you try to start shit.

Okay, so I won't say that. But I'll say something like that, only nicer.

I also went to dance class, which was good. I actually get a credit because I missed the other classes on the weekend. All good.

I invited Bethany to meet me afterward for a bite to eat. She seems rather quiet these days, apparently she is going through a lot of stuff, and heavy-duty therapy, and whatnot, and I guess it's running her through the wringer. I can understand.

I spent way too much money on dinner and then stopped at Whole Foods for some odds and ends.

I think I'll lie down now... might be a good time for this day to end.

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