Dear Diary,
Once again not doing so great with my sleeping situation. I couldn't sleep so got up and was watching 30 Rock on my laptop, and I actually fell asleep in front of my computer. I don't even know if that's ever happened to me before.
In any case, I woke up a lot, and was having cramps and dreams and waking up but only half-awake and not totally realizing I had cramps. Yeah. Fun.
I had a lot to do, so I worked on packing and cleaning. I took a shower and ran to the bank, because I wanted to make sure my checks don't bounce! I got ready and went to work.
Work was fine and a little low key. I wish I had something more exciting to say with
this whole entry, but I really don't. It was just a challenge to feed myself properly and get myself
straightened out today, and slog through
work.
I'm a little worried about money
since I checked tickets and they have nearly
doubled. It's hard to believe, I don't know if it's
just for summer or what, but I hope they go down
or there's a sale or something... it sucks. I just
made all this headway making payments on my
credit card, and with these prices I'll just be back
where I was unless I start making more money.
Which I hope I will. I hope I get that other
job.
Oh, I can't remember if I did mention
that I heard from Paul. He's a guy I met soon
after M and I broke up- he asked me out on the
bus. We went out to dinner a few times, but all in
all he was boring. He had no imagination, he
didn't even have a favorite color- I was
astounded by that. I never met anyone who didn't have a favorite color. In any case, I was
probably mildly attracted to him because his eyes were kind of like M's. But he was different in
every other way - boring, and repressed, and
well.. the whole thing didn't go anywhere. We
were both in love with other people. He was hung up on some girl in South America. He went somewhere for work for about three months, Canada or someplace. Then he came back and
called me once. We ended up talking about
something and I recall him saying, "I feel better
just talking to you."
Last week I got an
email from him acting all friendly. He informed me that he moved to South America, I'm
assuming to be with that girl... He asked if I
could give him some kind of reference there, but
I don't know anybody there. Then he wrote back,
which was surprising. I know I haven't heard from him in over a year. He wrote that he had an "intense situation" in his life that he really wanted
to talk to me about. Figures. Really he only
contacts me when he needs something- comfort,
a reference, now advice for a big problem. It
irritates me. He called me over the weekend. The
first time I didn't know who it was and there was
no message, but then he wrote me an email
saying he tried to call. He must be really
desperate for my wisdom because he called
again this morning. I recognized that weird
number and smashed it straight into voicemail.
Then I wrote him an email explaining that I
charge for consultations and here is my rate.
That felt scary to do but the truth of it is we are
not friends- in two years or whatever it's been,
he's never checked in with me just to find out
about me. To pretend anything else is ludicrous,
and the truth is I am tired. I support a lot of
people, and I have a shitload of stuff I'M trying to
work through- I do not have the time, the energy nor the inclination to become some user's
sounding board... so he can just fade into the
woodwork and call me a year from now wanting
more advice? No thank you.
So maybe
we should celebrate this, Diary, because we all
know that for me to have such a boundary is not
the norm.
So there.
Hooray.
Oh, and p.s. - I
was totally bummed when one of the diaries I
read first thing in the a.m. revealed the winner of
Project Runway. No spoiler alert or anything- I haven't seen the episode yet!
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