Dear Diary,

Even though I feel a lot of hesitation, this is what I wrote back to W:

"I am thinking about it but I have a lot of doubts about if I could trust you to just be present with me, call me when you say you will and tell me when you are going away. That's what I would need to engage with you."

That was last night, and haven't heard anything back. I didn't sign it or anything, so maybe it sounds harsh. But the truth is it is a bottom line. And, actually I don't believe he can do it anyway. So maybe he will just go away. Which will be for the best. I keep thinking of Shelby and how he treats me, and I'll be comparing that against every man. Shelby never treats my feelings as stupid or insignificant; he listens to what I have to say and takes it seriously when I say something is really important. So there.

Today is my first real day off in so long. So far I haven't wanted to get out of bed... I am so very tired.

Don is getting married this weekend but the wedding reception is super late. I don't know if I will be able to go because I am already so exhausted and struggling with sleep. B really wanted to go so I RSVP'd with him as my guest. But I just don't know if I can stay up that late at this point.

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