friends I don't wanna see [ 2010-07-02, 9:47 a.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was just a little too worn out. I hadn't had much sleep and worked 9 hours straight. It was okay, because there were things to do and I solved several problems, and B came by for a minute, and so did Marva.

After work I went to three grocery stores to make sure I had food for dinner and for this weekend. I couldn't wait to sit down and eat and watch a couple episodes of The Office. I also cleaned the bathroom, washed the mammoth pile of dishes in the sink, and got a few things together to take to the lake. But I was exhausted and resolved to finish packing in the morning, so I went to bed at 11:30pm.

I did manage to fall asleep but woke up several times including one time when I was having a "bad" dream. In the dream in was me, a client of mine and another person in a darkened room. I guess we were hiding out because we were lying on the floor purposefully avoiding being seen by this man that was looking in the windows. I wasn't wearing any pants (of course! Who wears pants when they're trying to be invisible?!) and I wanted to put my jeans on so I was lying on the floor slipping them on... the best part was that they were my skinny jeans! But, at the same time I was really scared because of this man looking through the window, he was really straining to see and I felt like he could see me. It made me afraid and I actually woke up a bit and told myself, Duckie you are having a bad dream, roll over and hug your pillow! So I did.

Also had a dream with Terri and Shelly and we were talking about Serena and Shelly told Terri she should talk to Serena because she needed to learn some manners.

I got up at 7am, and even though I am tired I feel better than yesterday. I think there really is a difference if you go to bed earlier than midnight! So I am going to try to do that from now on.

So many people called or texted me yesterday but it was overwhelming because I was already drained. One friend had European visitors in town and they were going to be in my area and was wondering if I would meet them? She made it sound like it would be fun and interesting for me but I rather got the feeling she was just trying to pass them off to somebody else so they wouldn't feel lonely. The thought of trying to entertain people I don't even know is harrowing to me.

Ginny's ex also called to tell me he was going to be in town, I guess he is trying to be more social and make more friends and is targeting me- that is all fine and good but I left him a message that I am out of town for the next two days.

Emily texted me that she is officially back and what was I doing over the holiday weekend? I lied and told her I have to work the next two days, but maybe we could do something on Sunday. When I saw her a few weeks ago, I made the mistake of admitting that I didn't have plans for the weekend of the fourth and she asked me if I wanted to do something... and I foolishly said yes even though I didn't really want to... the reason is I don't really have fun with her for extended periods of time, especially lately. Even when we took that "girls' weekend", she was weird and controlling... I just can't deal with that right now.

I wouldn't admit to Gail that I'm spending time with friends this weekend either. She has been begging me to come and see her new house, hang out, etc. But it is an hour bus ride one way, I guess that wouldn't matter if I REALLY wanted to see her, right? But lately it feels like she dominates every conversation and sucks all the air out of the room. I have to have a certain amount of personal energy to deal with that.

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