Dear Diary,

Well, as usual things get going here and there is very little time to update. Stayed up far too late on Friday hanging out eating and playing games with Thomas and Gia and a few of their friends that came over. Saturday I didn't really sleep in much but spent almost an hour IM'ing with Roc first thing in the morning. We didn't really say a proper goodbye as he got a phone call from the lake and put me "on hold"- but then time was getting on, my friends were getting up and I wanted to eat breakfast, so I wrote him that I had to go eat and I would talk to him later... however I never did and still haven't yet. Spent the rest of the day helping Thomas and Gia prepare for Gia's class in the evening and then went to that. Afterward I got a ride up to Stacey's house. She and her husband were packing for their trip.

It really seems to be true that the two of them are getting along better than ever since they've outwardly decided to get a divorce. They were laughing and joking and Stacey's husband was talking to both of us more than he ever does... Stacey and I watched a couple episodes of SATC and then went to bed. I did message Roc that I would be dropping my friends at the airport in the morning and if he wanted to call I gave him the time I'd be available...

In the morning we got up early, I dropped off the family. I had planned to go to Thomas and Gia's house but it was so early, I decided to go back to Stacey's first. Roc did not call, and I found that slightly disappointing. Back at home base I took a shower and packed the things I would need for my seminar later in the day. I was feeling pretty awful from lack of sleep, so I lay down for a couple hours. I guess I slept, but it didn't really feel like it- felt more like a light doze that is really more awake than asleep. After that I went to Thomas and Gia's. I called Roc's cell when I was on my way and left him a message. I lay around with Gia in the sun and didn't do much other than check my phone a lot. Roc did not call and he apparently had not been on FB since either. At one point two texts came through from him, they were answers to a previous text conversation we'd been having on Friday. That was weird. As soon as they came in I called him, but he did not answer the phone. I hate that shit. W used to do it to me all the time... I know that he could have possibly been in a place that he couldn't pick up, but still... I hadn't had any real-time conversation with him at all. It started feeling suspicious.

I went to the first day of the seminar, which is turning out to be cool and that ended late. I was hungry but also so tired, there was really nothing I could eat at Stacey's house except frozen French fries, which felt like they would take too long to make. So I had some cashews and crashed.

I had to get up early on Monday to go to Serena's class, and also to clean the car. To me Stacey's car smelled like a diaper someone vomited on. Just your typical vehicle that's been carting around a kid for five years. Stacey is also known for being slovenly to an alarming point. I may be cluttered but I don't leave food lying around in a house or vehicle... I mean... it's gross. And smells gross. And we have to carpool to some of the seminar events. That means other people in the car. So I gave myself 20 minutes to toss all the garbage and remove all the toys and clothes. Forgot to also mention that the house is also a complete and utter mess with toys cluttering every surface, you would think they had five kids instead of one.

Anyhow. Showered, ate the last two eggs in the fridge, cleaned the car, and was on my way. Class was good, but felt long yesterday. I think the combination of having class and doing the seminar, combined with lack of sleep contributed to it all. After class I drove to the seminar and that went late into the night.

So... there you have it. Last night I actually slept in the guest room of another seminar participant because she has a cast and can't drive. I drove her home but it was so late it was just easier to stay.

And so far, not a peep from Roc and I'm wondering what's going on. He just went from being totally over-confident and trying to convince me that we are perfect for each other, swearing he'd be there supporting me and connecting with me, to zip. Where did he go? I guess there is always the possibility that he took his daughter camping or something, but wouldn't he have told me? I don't know it's just weird. And familiar. And I'm not devastated but I am disappointed. I knew a lot of what he was presenting was false- like maybe he wants to be in relationship but he doesn't really know how, he wants to convince me that we are good together. I dunno.

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