wrapping up a great weekend... other thoughts [ 2010-08-08, 10:03 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

I was having trouble falling asleep last night, so I stayed up way too late reading my own diary, specifically about around this time last year, and the whole Smitten debacle. That taught me something very important- I do NOT want to be there anymore. I don't want to give my power away to a man like that ever again! How much time I wasted wondering, worrying, being hurt, and caring about someone's feelings who is just selfish and uncaring.

Whatever Roc's deal is, I'm determined NOT to worry about it. He has had plenty of input from me about what I want, need and desire. And I have told him he can ask questions. He knows that I am still open to communicating with him. If not, he is too stupid to be with me, and that's the bottom line. Perhaps he is upset that we didn't have sex- you know what? Big fucking deal! That's not how the real world works, buddy. Go learn something about women.

I'm CHOOSING not to be hurt by men who don't have the good sense to value me.

Meanwhile I had another good day on my weekend. I slept less than six hours, but was up, showered and dressed when JJ got here... we went to the show, which was nice. Bethany met us there and then we all went out for burgers. JJ drove me home, we walked around the park for about an hour, then he left. Altogether a good day.

And, Emily and I are taking a trip in September to Red's city, so I will be seeing him soon! Haven't seen him since January of 2009. And it's only a couple of days so Emily and I won't kill each other. I talked to her on the phone today, she is still visiting Mr. G- apparently there really is no "plan"- other than he said she could move back there with him. But he still won't get married or have kids... I mean what else does Emily have to know? She said he is coming next weekend and she wants me to meet him. I don't really give a shit about meeting him, as you know I already don't like him, I can tell Emily is not truly happy, even if she is unaware of that in herself. I know how that feels. But there is nothing I can do for her. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything for her either.

Now if only I could make some money...

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